The Gimmick gives his verdict, and Sammy sticks his nose in!
Tue, 5 April 2005
by: The Gimmick
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First of all, The Gimmick is back!!! Thanks to my good friend, and sometimes tag team partner, Sammy for filling in for me last month during No Way Out while I was back at parts unknown. This month it’s the biggest show of them all, Wrestlemania XXI & quite frankly it looked better on paper than last year’s extravaganza. Sammy’s note- Rather than write a whole other report for this show, I’ve just put my own comments in italics after the Gimmick’s. So I guess that means we are tagging together again!
EDDIE GUERRERO Vs REY MYSTERIO:
I had high hopes for this one, after all look who was involved. Unfortunately my expectations were probably a bit too high. Don’t get me wrong, it was an excellent match but due to the fact that Rey was wearing a new style mask, that obviously didn’t fit right, which caused him to continuously keep it from falling off, it caused the match to be slightly annoying. But as I said it was still a great encounter with Eddie working both on the mat and in the air. The end came when Eddie went for a charge, but was stopped abruptly by a Rey head-butt to the mid section, which then led to Rey hitting a lightning like Rana on Eddie for the 3 count. I was a bit surprised not to see Eddie attack Rey after the match, but I’m certain it will happen in the not too distant future.
WINNER: REY MYSTERIO
Sammy: Not as good as other matches they’ve had, but still a very good opening match.
Backstage we saw JBL and his cabinet walking around as they bump into Triple H and The Nature Boy. They exchange non-pleasantries and leave from that part of the building that always seems to be a hot bed for inter-promotional chit chat. On a side note, this was the only backstage segment in the whole 4 hour show. I can’t remember the last time that happened. But drinking heavily will do that to you.
MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH
CHRIS JERICHO Vs CHRIS BENOIT Vs CHRISTIAN Vs SHELTON BENJAMIN Vs EDGE Vs KANE:
I thought this match would be too clustered for it to be anything but a spot match fan’s wet dream, but it was actually a great match. From the entrance of Kane (where he set the ladders at the entrance way on fire) to the huge head-butt from the top of the ladder by the Crippler, it had some memorable moments. Some notable spots were Benjamin hitting Edge with a T-Bone suplex from the top of the ladder and Benjamin again running up a slanted ladder to clothesline Y2J from an upstanding ladder, causing both to come crashing down hard. The finale came after the aforementioned Benoit head-butt on Kane (which left him bloodied and looking pissed off), when he sucked it up and climbed back up the ladder to grab the suitcase, when Edge slammed The Crippler’s already injured arm with a chair. Benoit hit the mat and the opportunistic Edge grabbed the suitcase and the win, ensuring a guaranteed championship match within the next 12 months.
WINNER: EDGE
Sammy: Perhaps my second favourite match of the show. It was just a lot of fun to watch, especially those spots from Benjamin. Benoit tearing his own stitches out with that head-butt made me wince.
Next up, everybody’s special friend Eugene made a surprise appearance in the ring. I was as pleased to see him as I was to see the Jehovah’s Witnesses come to my door at 9:00am on Grand Final Day last year, while I was hung over, to preach to me the perils of binge drinking, but that’s another story. As he started telling us his favorite Wrestlemania moment, Hassan and Daivari hit the ring with evil intentions. I don’t know how I came to those conclusions! Hassan ranted about not being on Wrestlemania so they both attacked Eugene. It makes sense when you think about it! As Hassan had Eugene in the dreaded camel clutch (doing the infamous throat slashing motion first), Real American sounded over the PA. Could it be! It is! The Immortal Hulk Hogan had seen enough and hit the ring slower than a Bourke Street Tram, and in classic Hulkster form, cleared the ring of the villains. What would a Wrestlemania be without 10 odd minutes of The Hulkster hot-dogging in the middle of the ring posing? I have to admit, I cheared like I was 8 years old again. It certainly was a Wrestlemania moment. One question, what happened to Eugene? After Hogan hit the ring he was nowhere to be seen. Oh well I’m sure he’ll pop up again somewhere, so check under your beds tonight kids.
Sammy: I can’t explain it, but these Hogan appearances at ‘Mania get me marking out for the guy too. I don’t even like the Hulkster! But the crowd’s energy is infectious. Man they went nuts! Eugene thankfully couldn’t fit under my bed Gimmick, I've got one of those Futon jobs.
THE UNDERTAKER Vs RANDY ORTON:
The Deadman came to the ring complete with fire and druids seemingly floating to the ring. The funny thing was, amidst the fog on the ground we caught a quick glimpse of the trolley Taker was standing on and immediately after Tazz couldn’t explain how he was floating to the ring. Bad camera work is all I can say, cos I dig Undertaker’s entrances big time. Not a bad match, but Orton didn’t look anywhere near his best. Not so much favoring his injured rotor cuff, just not up to his normal standards. Midway through the match, shades of Wrestlemania 1 came flooding back as legendary Cowboy Bob Orton hit the ring, complete with forearm cast, and whaffled The Undertaker with it. An unsuccessful pin attempt led to Orton later on slipping out of an Undertaker chokeslam and dropping him with an RKO. Again Orton couldn’t get the job done, then tried for the stupidest move since Princess Diana’s driver said “I can out drive these paparazzi!” and went for a tombstone on the “man from the darkside”. Taker reversed it and covered Orton for the 3 count and advanced his WM record to 13-0. As Darth Vader would say, “Impressive! Most impressive!”.
WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER
Sammy: I enjoyed this one more than I expected to. I was heavily cheering for Orton. For some reason I really wanted to see the Undertaker lose one at the big show. The ending was cool though. So was that Cowboy run in.
WWE WOMAN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CHRISTY HEMME W/ LITA Vs TRISH STRATUS:
This was your typical dunny break match. No disrespect to Trish cos she’s proven herself before, but Christy shouldn’t have been wrestling for the title at Wrestlemania. Anyway at least it was short. How short? Well Trish hit a Chick Kick (poorly timed) on Christy in about 4 minutes. Christy did hit a nice looking Twist of Fate on Trish just prior to her being pinned but one move doesn’t make you a great wrestler, look at Goldberg. Oh wait, he had two moves didn’t he? Wow he was great!
WINNER: AND STILL CHAMPION, TRISH STRATUS
Sammy: Just before the Chick Kick she was pinned for 3 but the ref just stopped counting, as they obviously f*cked up. Really not as bad as it could have been. Christy might be alright with more training. After all, once upon a time Trish was considered nothing but a hot chick who had no place being in the ring. It also didn’t hurt that both of these women looked REALLY hot in their ring attire.
SHAWN MICHAELS Vs KURT ANGLE:
The best match of the night and those of you who are surprised at that statement deserve to be locked in a room while Casey Chambers sings to you. Harsh but fair! I honestly cannot do this match justice with just words and I don’t have any hand puppets so I’ll just say, see this match asap. With Kurt’s mat wrestling and HBK just being HBK, it definitely is one of the better WM matches ever. In the end though Kurt was able to slap on the Ankle Lock, and after being in the hold for a good minute and a half, Shawn Michaels eventually tapped out at roughly the 30 minute mark. After seeing this match, if you don’t think Kurt Angle is one of the best wrestlers of all time, there seriously is no hope for you. After the match, Shawn Michaels deservedly received a standing ovation. It is matches like this that make me proud to be a wrestling fan.
WINNER: KURT ANGLE
Sammy: They totally lived up to the hype. Awesome match! I feel sorry for all the guys who had to follow this one. An instant classic and I was glad Angle won it.
PIPER’S PIT – STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN:
The biggest thrill for me was when Rowdy Roddy Piper made his way to the ring to welcome Stone Cold Steve Austin into Piper’s Pit. I don’t really know why this was added, cos it didn’t really do anything except make Austin look good, but it was definitely entertaining. Austin hit the ring in a new T-shirt. My god, he doesn’t even wrestle anymore and he’s still getting shirts pumped out. What does that make it, 30 different shirts he’s had released? He should speak to Essendon, Richmond and Collingwood about the benefits of an alternate strip. Anyway Piper and Austin almost come to blows, when Carlito saunters his way to the ring. You’ve gotta love Carlito. He basically insults both guys till Piper steals his trademarked apple and spits on him. Carlito attacks Piper until Austin makes the save. Hot Rod and The Rattlesnake drink beers until Austin gets sick of it and stuns Piper.
Sammy: Piper did a great job of dealing with that “WHAT?” shit from the crowd. The segment was quite pointless, but entertaining all the same.
SUMO MATCH
AKEBONO Vs BIG SHOW:
I knew this couldn’t be legit, and if it was, it didn’t look it. Both men were in the traditional sumo garb, and what a lovely sight it was. It was fairly quick with Big Show at one stage calling for the Showstopper. I don’t know why. This made front page news in Japan before hand, but I doubt it will after it. Anyway, Akebono ended it by shifting his weight and taking Big Show down for the win. I was interested in this before the match but it just didn’t look legit.
WINNER: AKEBONO
Sammy: No way this was for real. It looked as fake as the Piper/Mr. T boxing match from ‘mania 2. That makes it even stranger that Akebono won. I don’t really know what the point of it all was. Maybe they just wanted an excuse to make us look at Big Show's arse...I have no idea.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
JBL Vs JOHN CENA:
In my opinion, this match was a slap in the face to JBL. For 10 odd months, he had been built up to be a great champion and a hard man to defeat, and in the end was squashed within 5 minutes. The match itself went for roughly 12 minutes, but the final 5 was nothing more than a glorified squash. It’s a spit in the face to all the men JBL had defeated during his reign. For someone who had defeated guys like Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle, Big Show, The Undertaker and others, his Wrestlemania moment was stolen from him by being squashed so hard. It’s just not the way to treat a champion that you had spent so much time building up within the last 12 months. I don’t understand why they did this. In the end JBL went for his Clothesline From Hell, missed and got hit by Cena’s FU for the 3 count. I just don’t see what is so special with Cena, but we’ll see how well he fairs as champion now won’t we?
WINNER: AND NEW WWE CHAMPION, JOHN CENA
Sammy: It is funny how differently people can see things. I kept wondering at the start of this one if Cena was ever going to get any significant offense in, as JBL was kicking the crap out of him. Then Cena did the big Hogan comeback. All of those guys JBL beat, none of them were clean victories. He finally has a match with no interference from his cabinet and he loses, that made sense to me, it was like the old Ric Flair formula. Anyway, I found the match boring. I almost hope JBL gets the belt back, just to keep the Gimmick happy!
The newest inductees into the WWE Hall of Fame were introduced, and all I can say is I can’t wait to see that particular DVD. Sammy: Same here!
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
TRIPLE H Vs BATISTA:
Triple H must be the luckiest guy in the world. He’s shagging the boss’ daughter, he hangs out with his childhood idol who tells him how great he is, and to top it off, he gets to come to the ring whilst his favorite band play live for him. Rock legends Motorhead played the champ to the ring and Lemmy sounded drunk, just the way I like it. This was surprisingly, a really great match, probably the second best of the night. A 20 minute grudge match with Batista’s power Vs Triple H’s savvy and cunning. Even with Ric Flair’s continuous interference, Triple H couldn’t get the job done. In the end he tried for the Pedigree but his hands were forced apart and countered out of it. Hit the Batista Bomb, and cleanly pinned Triple H for the 1, 2, 3. I’m not as pissed at Batista winning as Cena, but again we’ll see how well he does as champion.
WINNER: AND NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, BATISTA
Sammy: Better match than I thought it would be. I ended up getting right into this baby. Nice finish; that “powering out of the pedigree” bit was great.
You will never know how much Cena winning has pissed me off. Not just as a fan of JBL but as a fan of wrestling as a whole. I think he’ll take wrestling backwards but again we’ll have to wait to see how bad the train wreck will be. Overall though it was a very good show, it would have been better had the obvious not happened but no point crying over spilt Cena.
Sammy: I totally enjoyed the show, but last year’s was a bit better for me. Mainly just because I’m a huge mark for Benoit and Guerrero. But the 21st Wrestlemania was a successful one in my book. Sorry for crashing your column Gimmick!
And remember; never trust a midget or anyone with 2 first names.
by: The Gimmick
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