The Gimmick refuses to say "I Quit"
Thu, 26 May 2005
by: The Gimmick
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I must apologize for this report not being up as soon as the PPV was done, but I had a lot to get done back here in Parts Unknown over the last couple of days. Anyway Judgment Day has come and gone, not the apocalyptic one foretold by men in dresses some time ago, but the WWE PPV from Minnesota birth place of...Minnesotans.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
MNM Vs HARDCORE HOLLY & CHARLIE HAAS
Melina said something before the match about “get your cameras ready”. I thought she was gonna do an Apollo Creed impression for a second there. Not an awful match, but nothing to crow about. Although with the state of tag team wrestling these days we’re lucky to get this kind of quality. I don’t mind Holly & Haas for some reason. Don’t ask me why, cos I’d probably just yell at you. Anyway not much to speak of from this one cept for Haas hitting a suicide dive on the champs outside the ring towards the end of the match, and of course Melina’s entrance. MNM beat the challengers with the Snapshot for the 3 count.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: MNM
CARLITO W/ MATT MORGAN Vs BIG SHOW
Carlito hit the ring with Mr. Morgan and was about to insult the crowd as only he can, when a power fault blacked out my screen and I missed it. All I saw, when the vision came back, was Matt Morgan laughing, I’ll bet there was a Collingwood joke somewhere in there but we’ll never know. That’s technology for ya! Anyway this match was reminiscent of the old Andre The Giant Vs Roddy Piper matches from 1984 with Big Show beating the hell out of Carlito throughout most of the match. The end came when Big Show whipped Carlito into the corner, but the stupid ref got in the way. Refs have no intuition, anyway, with the ref down Big Show went for the chokeslam but Matt Morgan to the rescue. He hit Show with an “F5”! Take that Brock, you’re not the only one who can do that. Carlito covered Big Show for the win.
WINNER: CARLITO
 | | I can see my house from here! |
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CHAVO GUERRERO Vs PAUL LONDON
Great match this one, but anything with Chavo in it will be good. Thankfully London has gotten rid of that god awful coat he was wearing not too long ago. It worked for the Berzerker 13 years ago, but not for skinny cruiserweights today. One thing about London is he takes bumps better than anyone I’ve seen in a long time. As is evident from his suicide bomb/cannonball from the top to the outside onto Chavo, only he didn’t hit it properly and landed real hard! A great all round match with both high spots and mat work in abundance but in the end London got the victory with a perfect 450 splash.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: PAUL LONDON
KURT ANGLE Vs BOOKER T
Before the match Booker was looking for Kurt everywhere for sending handcuffs to Sharmell as a kinky gift. In my personal opinion, the build up for this match was big but inappropriate. A bit too graphic for my liking in terms of Kurt’s abuse towards Sharmell especially with all the kids who watch it these days, including my young nephew. Besides that, the match itself was great with a lot of hard hits, mat work and good psychology from both athletes. At the end, Angle hit 2 german suplex’s but was blocked for the third. But he hit an overhead belly to belly suplex instead. Just as Booker looked done, Kurt went for the Angle slam but was countered into an inside cradle and Booker got the surprise victory. I think it was the same ending done here in Melbourne between these two a couple of months ago.
WINNER: BOOKER T
After the match Angle beat down Booker T as Sharmell, who had come down to the ringside earlier, entered the ring. Angle tried to handcuff her and have his way with her when Booker made the save and handcuffed Angle instead. They both beat on Kurt, especially Sharmell who just whaled on him and ended with a stiff kick in the aggetts. As Carlito says “That’s not cool”!
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
ORLANDO JORDAN Vs HEIDENREICH
Orlando hit the ring first, but I had to look twice cos his belt was hanging low around his waist and covering his trunks so he looked like he had escaped from a nudist colony. Heidenreich hit the ring and did his looking for a friend thing. Go down south dude, cos I’m sure big 6 foot 8 white German looking guys can find friends easily in the south. Anyway not a bad match, although I didn’t expect much from it, but with Heidenreich pinning the champ in a non title match the previous week on Smackdown it gave him a good chance in winning this one. Jordan eventually hit a DDT on the challenger and picked up the win. Heidenreich I don’t think was too disappointed, as he had found a new friend and they both did the Heiden-walk together. Something Goosey about that step!
WINNER: AND STILL U.S. CHAMPION – ORLANDO JORDAN
EDDIE GUERRERO Vs REY MYSTERIO
This match and the main event made this PPV for me. This one also was a much better match, in my opinion, than there previous encounter from Wrestlemania 21 late last month. It was Eddie at his maniacal best as he beat Rey early, on his already injured ribs. By the way, am I the only one who can’t stand Michael Cole? (Sammy’s note: Far from it, dude.) I don’t know what lewd act he performed on whom to get his job as a main commentator, but he sucks!
Anyway, for somebody who was coming into this match injured, Rey came close on a number of occasions to beating Eddie. But that wily Eddie always had an answer. Another thing about this match, I think, is that it could have easily been the main event for this PPV had there not been a championship match after it. The heat and psychology in this one was awesome, with both men knowing exactly how the other one worked without pissing in each others pockets. Towards the end, Rey had Eddie in position for the 619 as Chavo hit the ring and distracted the ref which allowed Eddie to get a chair. Rey got up, dropkicked Eddie in the knee and then knocked Chavo down off the apron. Rey hit Eddie with the 619 and went for the “West coast Pop” but was met with a chair to the skull in mid air by Mr. Guerrero. The ref saw it and DQ’d him immediately.
WINNER: BY DISQUALIFICATION – REY MYSTERIO
After the match, Eddie beat Rey down with the chair and looked to enjoy every minute of it. I hope he didn’t beat him down just because he wears a mask, cos I don’t wanna have to take Eddie back to parts unknown and teach him a lesson.
“I QUIT” WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:
JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD Vs JOHN CENA | | The old bleeding on top of a limo routine |
Cena came down the ring on the back of an 18 wheeler with a DJ remixing his entrance song. The truck went maybe 5 meters then stopped and that was it, and Michael Cole said “Wow, what an entrance!” Cena could have come down the aisle wearing clogs and a tutu riding on the back of a fat guy singing “I shot the Sheriff” and Cole would’ve still said “Wow what an entrance!” Wow what a dumbass! He made mention during the match that the strategy for the I Quit match was to wear down the opponent. WTF!! The stipulations for the match are in the title, I QUIT! You can wear your opponent down as much you want but he doesn’t say those 2 little words and it’s not gonna be over. He is a nimrod plain and simple! Anyway not even Michael Cole could ruin this match, and I’d like to think that if Triple H hadn’t made this match at Wrestlemania 21 finish in around 7 minutes, it would have had this amount of energy.
It was a very hard hitting match with both men in the end bleeding like a couple of hemophiliacs at an acupuncture class. Both men got hit with chairs, went through tables, landed hard on JBL’s limo and even, in JBL’s case, went head first through a TV. Why that was there I have no idea. The end came as both men were on the back of the truck and bleeding hard as JBL was choking Cena with a cord and climbed up on of the speakers. Cena was able to knock JBL off the speaker and through the DJ table. Ouch! As JBL scurried toward the entrance, Cena had pulled off a smoke stack chimney from the truck and was threatening JBL with it. The truck must have fallen of the back of a bigger truck cos he couldn’t have done that on a good one. Anyway as he was threatening JBL, instead of getting hit, the challenger said “I QUIT” and just like that it was over.
WINNER: AND STILL WWE CHAMPION – JOHN CENA
And remember; never trust a midget or anyone with 2 first names.
by: The Gimmick
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More articles by The Gimmick
If it wasn’t for the last 2 matches I wouldn’t have thought too much of this PPV, in comparison to Backlash. But, all in all, it wasn’t too bad. | |
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