One man's trash is another man's treasure. Or something.
Wed, 27 July 2005
by: The Gimmick
Email the Author
I'm back after a short sabbatical and here to review the latest WWE PPV, Great American Bash. Let's get right into it.
Sammy's Note: Before I was aware that the Gimmick was going to be able to cover the show, I watched it and took notes etc., assuming that I'd be writing the report. Anyway, I am stoked to have him back for this show (and hopefully many others!) and we decided we'd make it a joint effort. I'll do what I have done in the past and throw in my comments, in italics, after his. I noticed that I was WAY more negative than Gimmick about most of this stuff. I decided to leave it that way, as it (hopefully) gives a good balance when you read all our comments together. It is a bit like Buttonhole's version of the classic "good cop, bad cop" routine! Take it away Masked one!
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
MNM Vs HEIDENREICH & ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL
I gotta say I'm a sucker for nostalgia and seeing Animal back in the ring, even without Hawk, was an enjoyable one. I expected to see Heidenreich in full Road Warrior garb but alas it was not to be. The whole Animal thing made me enjoy this one non the less. Not much to speak of in this one, MNM worked over Heidenreich for most of the match until he made the hot tag to Animal who got control back. He dropkicked Nitro off the apron to Michael Cole said "That's unbelievable!" He sounds like a Channel 10 AFL announcer interpreting the mundane into the incredible. Nitro came back to hit Animal with the belt and they then went for the snapshot. Heidenreich made the save as Animal hit Mercury with a powerslam and then called for The Doomsday Device. Heidenreich hit it and 1,2,3 we have new champs. Animal said after the match "This one's for you Hawk!" I wonder if Johnny Ace should get some sort of mention?
WINNERS: AND NEW WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - HEIDENREICH & ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL
Sammy: Sure, nostalgia is pleasant enough. But Animal and his beer gut...he looks pretty bad, compared to how I like to remember him at least. To me it almost lessens the great memories of the Roadies in their prime, to see him looking that way. He did a better job of wrestling than he did last time he was brought back to TV though. What is a bit funny, is how the WWE fired all these young guys, then put one of the tag straps on a dude who is WAY past his prime, basically because of a Road Warriors DVD. That seems like some odd and poorly planned booking. I will admit to still marking out for Animal a few times though and I'd have to say that he is still a powerhouse. As for Heidenrich...I don't know what he is meant to be, but whatever it is, I don't much care for him. I find his wrestling and his character boring and annoying. After saying all that though, this was an okay curtain jerker match.
Eddy was backstage and basically said that Rey’s son Dominic will be at ringside to watch the match and if he wins, he gets to finish his bedtime story. No not that one! The one he’s been talking about on Smackdown. You sickos!
Sammy: Two of my all time favourites in a long running feud and I am amazed to find that I wish they would just end it. The soap opera stuff is just so LAME! It isn't quite stupid enough to be funny and certainly not believable enough to be dramatic. Especially when they brought in Eddie's wife and kids; they were about as convincing with their acting as a hooker's orgasm.
CHRISTIAN Vs BOOKER T W/SHARMELL
What is it with wrestlers bringing their wives with them to work? I can't think of any other job where that's acceptable, unless you're a pimp. Anyway, this one started slow but quickly got going with Christian taking control early. Until he dragged Sharmell up onto the apron and she slapped him allowing Booker to hit the Book End, but only for a two count. After that, Christian never really got going and when Booker hit a Scissors Kick crossed with a Sicilian Slice from the second rope, it was all over after about eleven minutes.
WINNER: BOOKER T
Sammy: I wish Sharmell would go away. Her character often comes off as a nosey bitch and really bugs me. This was not really a PPV quality match; it was like a standard Smackdown bout. Not too shabby though, all the same. Christian hardly ever gets a win on PPV, which is a bummer.
Backstage Melina was interviewed about MNM and her match with Torrie. Yadda, yadda, yadda! A Summer Slam commercial was shown with the WWE Divas washing a car in bikinis. Good quality programming!
Sammy: That commercial was pretty...enjoyable. I think that was my favourite part of the show.
 | | This is roughly the way I look when I hear Celine Dion sing |
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
ORLANDO JORDAN Vs CHRIS BENOIT
This was one time when the champion went into his match as the underdog, but this underdog showed how good he was. No matter which way Benoit tried to take this match Jordan was right there with him. I dunno how he got back up from some of those moves Benoit hit him with including a heap brutal of reverse knife edges but he did. By the way, I can't stand people who chant Boring during a match, it just shows how uneducated they are to wrestling and how short their attention span is. If you want something more exciting, go play Russian roulette. Sorry about that, it pissed me off when I heard that chant during this match. Anyway the end came when Benoit and Jordan collided head to head in the corner. As Benoit hit the mat, Jordan took the top turnbuckle off. Benoit got up and went for a German Suplex, but OJ blocked it. Benoit went head first into the steel buckle and Jordan pinned him for the 3 count in his most notable victory to date. Orlando impressed me in this match, and even though he's not as polished as some, he could hold onto that title for a while.
WINNER: AND STILL UNITED STATES CHAMPION, ORLANDO JORDAN
Sammy: I thought this was the best match of the show, easily. It was also the best I've ever seen from Jordan. Benoit helped make him look good of course, but Orlando did very well in his own right. If he can keep up that standard he could be a real big star not too far from now. Being a Benoit mark, I wanted him to win the belt. I understand building Jordan up, since he's a young guy and they want to make him strong for the future. But why is it always Benoit who gets used to do that kind of thing? Look at the next match on the card, can you see Undertaker letting Orlando go over him the way Benoit did? Fat chance.
NUMBER 1 CONTENDERS MATCH
MUHAMMAD HUSSAN Vs THE UNDERTAKER
We didn't see what happened a couple of weeks ago on Smackdown here in Australia with Hussan and his "sympathizers", when they attacked The Undertaker, but it got main stream press in the States. So much so that the media and UPN put pressure on the WWE to alter the direction Hussan was to go in. Because of that, this match was a squash basically, as The Undertaker destroyed not only Hussan, but also Daivari and all of their sympathizers. Hussan's buddies interfered as much as possible but it was to no avail. Undertaker won with a chokeslam at around the eight minute mark.
WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER
After the match the sympathizers attacked The Undertaker as Hussan crawled slowly to the top of the ramp. But one by one Taker single handedly destroyed the "pocket of resistance" in the WWE including, whipping Daivari through the front of the announcers table. Nasty! Taker eventually caught up with Hussan and took a couple of pieces of the stage off and gave Hussan a Last Ride though the gap and onto the concrete below. After some replays, Hussan was shown unconscious quivering in a mess on the concrete. This is a tragedy as the Muhammad Hussan character was just starting to pick up momentum. I find it ironic that America, a land of make believe, can't distinguish fact from fiction and because of that an interesting character has been killed off.
Sammy: The Undertaker, once again, single handedly takes out an entire army. It was fitting to have the ‘Taker be the one to do the burying; that is what he is best at (yeah, I know that was a pun, but it wasn't intentional). I feel sorry for anyone who has to feud with the dead man, because they usually end up looking like crap. This was ridiculously over the top and the post match beat down annoyed me greatly. As far as the "political" side of it, well I agree with everything Gimmick said in that regard. Plus, the patriotic USA stuff was as obnoxious as ever. America, F*#k Yeah!
Backstage Torrie Wilson said something, but who cares. Next we see Muhammad Hussan being put on a stretcher to be buried next to other WWE characters like Bastian Booger and Reo Rogers.
THE MEXICOOLS Vs THE BLUE WORLD ORDER
I was hoping for something in this match but got nothing. We didn't even get to see JBL's favorite wrestler, Da Blue Guy get in and do his thang. There is literally nothing to say about this except I still like the bWo, even though they lost when Big Stevie Cool got hit by a Super Crazy moonsault then a Psychosis guillotine leg drop after five minutes.
WINNERS: THE MEXICOOLS
Sammy: Fun while it lasted. Exactly the kind of match and result I was expecting, nothing more and nothing less. Though I was hoping the bWo would be allowed to look competitive, I was not shocked that it didn't happen. At least the Mexicools are good value.
Backstage Rey Mysterio was saying a prayer with his son Dominic in their native tongue. I never could understand French.
Sammy: Ugh.
EDDIE GUERERRO Vs REY MYSTERIO
I thought this was the best of the matches they've had purely on the emotion level of it. Dominic was sitting at ringside throughout the match and Eddie kept coming over to him and being a real scumbag as only Eddie can do. He had real hear from this and even Tazz called him a "friggin asshole" during the telecast because of it. The action probably wasn't as good as the last two big matches they've had but the emotion level more than made up for that. It was littered with near falls and big hits right through, and at roughly the ten minute mark, Mysterio hit the 619 but missed a springboard legdrop. Eddie the hit the 3 Amigos and went for the Frog Splash, but Rey rolled out of the way before Eddie could hit it. He then hit another two vertical suplexes and a big brain buster before finally hitting the Frog Splash. As Eddie looked over at Dominic and arrogantly covered his foe, Rey caught Eddie in a roll up crucifix pin for the 3 count.
WINNER: REY MYSTERIO
Rey and Dominic left together as Eddie looked pissed, but I've got a feeling we'll hear all about his dirty little secret soon enough.
Sammy: The recent series between these two has not quite lived up to my expectations. While not as great as I'd hoped for, their matches have still been pretty good and this was one of the better ones. However, unlike Gimmick, I didn't think the "emotion" added to it at all. When Tazz and Cole went on and on and on about all that crap and the camera focused so often on the kid, I found it most off putting. I'd rather just have the two guys wrestle and the announcers talk about that wrestling. Even after all of that, Eddie lost AGAIN! 5 losses in the row, that's just overkill. Come on, we get the point, he's frustrated that he can't defeat Rey, but 5 times in a row just makes him look like shit to me. On top of that, this whole stupid "secret" nonsense, that was built up like crazy, didn't even get a payoff at the PPV! Way to satisfy your paying customers WWE. It will probably get dragged out even further now. I just don't even care about it any longer (not that I really did much in the first place).
JBL was backstage decked out in his Apollo Creed outfit from Smackdown and guaranteed victory tonight. Hmmmm!
Sammy: What is up with Josh Matthew's voice? Did his balls never drop or something? He's really hard to listen to.
BRA AND PANTIES MATCH
TORRIE WILSON Vs MELINA
(SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE CANDICE MICHELLE)
What can I say about this debacle except that it did what it was set out to do, and that's provide entertainment to all the men in the audience and watching on TV. Melina hit a Hot Shot on Torrie, knocking her out and taking off her pants to win the match after only five minutes. After the match, both Candice & Torrie stripped Melina down to her Bra and Panties and then Candice stripped down as well. Everyone's a winner!!!!!
Sammy: Obviously the "wrestling" was terrible, but that wasn't the point of this match. It was a bit of silly fun, and a chance for a good perve. I can dig that and the girls all looked fantastic. I guess you could say this stuff is sexist, but the men are basically in their undies, so it is only fair we get some women to look at too!
 | | The chair bounced right off Orlando's hair |
WORLD HEAVEYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD Vs BATISTA
There was nothing pretty about this match at all, it was just a hard hitting match. I can't say anything else about it, not to say I didn't like it but it was just fight. JBL struggled to string a few moves together early on but when he did, he took control of the match for the most part. After about ten minutes, JBL went for the Clothesline From Hell but hit the ref instead. JBL went for it again but got hit with a spine buster as Orlando Jordan hit the ring. As Batista had JBL set up for his Batista Bomb, OJ hit the champ with a chair. JBL covered him but a still groggy ref could only count 2. The exact same thing happened again, Clothesline From Hell, 2 count, Spine Buster and OJ's interference but this time Batista back body dropped him over the top rope. As Batista was whaling on JBL, OJ came in the ring with a chair again but the champ stole it and cracked both Jordan and JBL with it. The ref came to at the right time and disqualified Batista at the twentt minute mark. After the match he beat them both the chair again and Batista Bombed both for good measure.
WINNER: BY DISQUALIFICATION - JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD
Sammy: Nothing pretty is right...it was ugly as sin! Both guys put plenty of work in, so I can't criticize the effort, but damn was the match plodding and unexciting. Punch, punch, kick, kick, clothesline, lie on the mat for a minute while they catch their breath and repeat. You can see now how good Triple H really was for Batista, in terms of match quality. There were a couple of good spots in this match, but as a whole it did not seem like a PPV main even caliber bout to me. Not in the least. Having a DQ ending on a PPV main event is also a pet peeve of mine. I know they wanted to keep it open for a rematch, but I believe when the audience pays for a show they deserve a satisfying and conclusive finish. Besides which, it makes no sense to me that JBL wins via DQ, seemingly to keep him looking strong, only to have Batista come back and beat the hell out of him and OJ with ease.
Overall it wasn't as good as I was hoping for but it wasn't as bad as what I had heard about it either. The loss of Hussan will be big for Smackdown as they are struggling for heels, but I guess with Christian and especially Orlando Jordan finding his feet the future might not be so bad for SD. Plus the potential Batista Vs Undertaker match at Summer Slam could be a sleeper match.
Sammy: Well Gimmick, if you liked the show, you liked the show! That's fair enough, everyone has different tastes. I really wish I had enjoyed it as much as you, but I just thought it flat out sucked and I'd give it 5.5 buttons out of 11. I usually base the judgment of a PPV on whether I think I got my $30 worth. With the Great American Bash I feel that I most certainly did not. Funnily enough, I read that Vince himself was very unhappy with the show. I don't usually consider myself a negative dude. Maybe I just wasn't in the right mood for the show. Or maybe I'm just becoming a cranky old bastard...bah, whatever. Great to have Gimmick back though. Nice one dude!
And remember; never trust a midget or anyone with 2 first names.
by: The Gimmick
Email the Author
More articles by The Gimmick
I know I’m gonna hear about this, but I didn’t mind it at all. | |
|
Latest Game
Latest DVD
Latest Music
Latest Wrestling
By Australian Ninja
