Jessica Beil is so hot right now.
Mon, 8 August 2005
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Stars: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Parker Posey, Triple H
The third and final installment (yeah right) of the Blade series is now here on dvd and I'm sorry to report unless you're a hardcore fan you'd be better off spending your casholah on cheap crack and made for television Christian movies. Much was expected after Guillermo del Toro's (Hellboy) fantastic and greatly improved Blade 2 and maybe I expected too much. Reviewers; always wanting more.
Blade and Whistler are back Stateside continuing their depopulation of the bloodsucker species only this time they are slowly losing the war. Despite their best efforts, the vampire clan is growing and becoming more powerful with blood harvesting centres, cloning the vampire genome, high powered Familiars and an ace in the hole. Dracula. Led by Danica Talos (Posey) the vampire nation's final discovery of the first of their kind (now called Drake) along with the set up and capture of Blade are close to fulfilling their plans of human enslavement.
Fortunately the suckheads haven't counted on the Nightstalkers, a young team of vampire hunters led by Whistler's illegitimate daughter Abigail Whistler (Biel) and cured former vampire Hannibal King (Reynolds). Teaming with Blade despite his unwillingness to work with a bunch of rookies, they have a plan to exterminate the vampire race once and for all.
Oddly enough Blade Trinity directs it's focus on Abigail Whistler and Hannibal King more than Blade himself and I'm not so sure if it's conducive to the movie or the franchise. Whistler herself is not a compelling character selling more on Biel's sex appeal and ass kicking in tight clothes (which I admit aint bad), though Hannibal King's wiseass character is hardly deep, he is entertaining. Parker Posey is also menacing and humorous as Danica, King was Danica's former bloodslave and the dialogue between the two characters is actually hilarious.
|S Club was down to 3 members. |
Herein actually is one of problems with the film. David.S.Goyer (writer of all three Blade movies) wanted to inject more humour into the series though is doesn't fit with the format, making it way more Hollywood popcorn fare, especially with Blade himself. Lines like "I was born ready motherf*#ker!: and the jive talk just don't play well here. Blade 2 had a subtle form of humour that served the movie well, not detracted from it.
Trinity is also Goyer's first attempt at directing and you wish he had stuck to scriptwriting (sorry but the story is limper than Carson Kressley's wrist) instead of directing. Action is the main component of these films and Goyer's lack of experience shows in these scenes, the sequences are uninspiring and less than impactful compared to most modern action cinematography. As contradictory as this will sound, it's Ryan Reynolds' (looking incredibly buff) witty dialogue as Hannibal King which is the most enjoyable facet of the film. The Danica directed insults such as "horse humping bitch" and "cock juggling thunder c&%t" are brilliant (Reynolds was allowed to improvise his lines).Unfortunately the story itself is sub par, the inclusion of Drake is a weak and laughable concept and in his human form is less than threatening. Wrestling fans will also dig Triple H's appearance and solid performance (look out for backdrop and suplex action).
The dvd offers the theatrical version and the director's cut (plus commentaries) for your viewing pleasure (you may receive more pleasure from it than I did), though honestly the director's cut does not add anything that commendable to the experience. The bonus disc on the other hand is jam packed full of goodies for the fanboys, all the usual stuff, behind the scenes, effects, fight choreography, interviews, and Blade history information. Also included is Goyer interviewing himself, contrasting Goyer the writer with Goyer the director, yeah it's a little pretentious, though if you don't enjoy the movie it's doubtful you will be inspired to watch this either.
|Insert joke about the movie "sucking" here |
Unless you want round out your collection (you can now also buy the trilogy in a box set) it's hard to recommend Blade Trinity, sure see it for curiosity's sake but don't expect to be overly impressed or receive any closure on the saga. Instead treat yourself to Guillomere Del Toro's deliciously directed Blade 2.
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The third Blade movie is also the third best Blade movie. Go for 2 instead.