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The legend. The Icon. The Gimmick!
Wed, 24 August 2005
by: The Gimmick
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MCI CENTER, WASHINGTON DC
Summerslam is billed as the second biggest show of the year, and it may very well have been. But it also was filled with quite a few surprises. So read on, or you’ll never find out what they are. Unless of course you already watched it; in that case they won’t be surprises. But you’re still encouraged to read it, damn it!
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CHRIS BENOIT Vs ORLANDO JORDAN
Don’t blink or you’ll miss this one! Benoit ended this one with his german suplex and then the Crippler Crossface to make OJ tap. It’s that simple! It lasted about 40 seconds. I’m not sure whether it was quicker than the previous record for shortest Summerslam match between The Ultimate Warrior Vs The Honky Tonk Man back in 1988, but if not it came close. You could almost hear women all over the world saying "Is that it" for a different reason this time.
WINNER: AND NEW UNITED STATES CHAMPION – CHRIS BENOIT
Backstage we see Eddie Guerrero and his wife having a spat over Eddie’s motives for wanting Dominic. How can you hate this evil little man.
GRUDGE MATCH
EDGE W/ LITA Vs MATT HARDY
Anyone who thought that this one was gonna be a wrestling match should have their heads read. It was a brawl from start to finish and answered nothing. The turning point came when Hardy had Edge in the corner and was punching him till Edge lifted him and Matt’s head cracked the top of the ring post. Nasty! From then on Matt didn’t know where he was and Edge took full advantage of it, punching and kicking him in the head. With blood streaming from Hardy’s head, the referee stopped the match due to Matt Hardy being unable to continue. That was a controversial finish if I ever saw one.
WINNER: EDGE
LADDER MATCH - FOR THE CUSTODY OF DOMINIC
EDDIE GUERRERO Vs REY MYSTERIO
I think WWE may have something here. Why waste time in a court of law, when custody battles could be settled so much easier in a Ladder Match? There’ll be no need to watch shows like Maury Povich taking DNA samples from supposed fathers. Just make the warring factions battle it out. Only in America! Seriously though, this was a great match, despite what was on the line. I think they saved the best for last with both guys taking some horrific bumps falling from the ladder and onto it. Both men came extremely close to snatching the briefcase containing Dominic’s custody papers but fell short.
At one point, Eddie had Rey finished when Dominic ran into the ring and stopped Eddie from snatching the case. Eddie yelled at him, and then told Dominic to hug him. When he refused, Eddie went to hit him but Rey made the save. Classic heel stuff there!
The finish came when Eddie hit the 3 Amigos with the third one landing flush on a ladder. As Eddie climbed to get the case, his wife Vicky ran to the ring and tipped the ladder over and Eddie clothes lined himself on the top rope. Rey got to his feet and climbed the ladder as Vicky again prevented Eddie by holding onto him and Rey claimed the prize. Me thinks there will be some trouble in the Guerrero household after that one. I strongly suggest future husbands (there are a couple here on Buttonhole) to watch this and take note of what happens when you go against your wives and battle your best friend in a custody over his son for pure spite. It could happen to you!
WINNER: REY MYSTERIO
Backstage Y2J vents his spleen and goes on about how he was the first undisputed champion and Cena is finished. Preach on brother Jericho!
 | | That'll learn him to bust my tomater |
OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL MATCH
EUGENE W/ CHRISTY HEMME Vs KURT ANGLE
It’s the Olympic champion and the best mat wrestler of all time, Kurt Angle facing the greatest poster boy for birth control I’ve ever seen, Eugene. He is a perfect example of why cousins shouldn’t procreate, and to compare these two is like comparing Buttonhole to all other websites. No contest! It was billed also as being a no time limit match, but that time wasn’t needed. Kurt was at his absolute destructive best. He tore Eugene to pieces and Gene struggled to string more than three moves together. Eugene used his classic stolen moves to beat Kurt but it wasn’t enough, as the Olympic champion hit the Angle Slam and then slapped on the dreaded Ankle Lock and made Eugene tap.
After the match Kurt cleaned house and stood middle ring on a chair and made the ref to place the gold medal around his neck ala his Olympic victory back in 1996. Savor the moment people, you are witnessing greatness.
WINNER: KURT ANGLE
Backstage the Divas are cleaning a presidential limo like the Summerslam promo. They all look awesome, but the camera pans to the limo window and it Vince McMahon inside as he says "why not?". Then we see a bumper sticker saying McMahon For President. If he runs, he would win and then you’ll have something to complain about in regard to America.
THE UNDERTAKER Vs RANDY ORTON
Orton looked a lot better in this encounter compared to his match at Wrestlemania 21 with The Undertaker. There were a lot of close falls in this one and Orton’s performance in this one probably made this one a bit better than the aforementioned match. Orton worked over Taker’s leg during the match, whilst The Undertaker worked over Orton’s body. He beat the hell out of Randy but like the clap he kept on coming back. As I said earlier, there were near falls littered throughout this match but the end came when Orton went for the RKO but Taker countered it and went for the Tombstone. Orton reversed it, then Taker reversed it and Orton slipped out and hit his modified back breaker. Orton went up top for a Flying Body Press but Taker rolled through it and clamped his throat and hit the Choke Slam. All of a sudden, some old dude in a white suit and a red cap entered the ring from the crowd and security ejected him. Taker resumed the match but Orton hit the RKO for the 1, 2, 3.
After the match it was revealed the old dude was "Cowboy" Bob Orton and both Orton’s celebrated in the aisle, till the Taker chased them off. Just quickly, I tipped this to happen back in March in my Wrestlemania 21 preview. No reason to state that, just big wigging myself.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CHRIS JERICHO Vs JOHN CENA
Everyone here knows I don’t think much of John Cena but this match was pretty good. I would give a lot of the credit to Jericho, but Cena did some nice things. Cena just isn’t working the same way as he did a year or so ago when he impressed me. His style is different now, but again that is just my opinion (but I am rarely wrong!) Anyway, Jericho put in a great performance in his last big match before he jets off to Australia and other places to tour with Fozzy in the next few weeks. The pendulum of the match swayed between both guys and the crowd seemed split down the middle. I’m very surprised at that.
The final moments came when Cena went for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle but Jericho moved and clamped in the Walls of Jericho. Cena almost made the ropes but Jericho moved him back in the middle only for Cena to eventually grab the ropes. The crowd booed heavily, which is more like what I expected. Jericho went up top but Cena caught him and went for the FU from the top rope but Jericho hit a Superplex instead. A 2 count resulted as Jericho charged Cena but he was caught on his shoulders and hit with the FU for the 3 count and a good win.
WINNER: AND STILL WWE CHAMPION – JOHN CENA
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
NO HOLDS BARRED
JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD Vs BATISTA
JBL hit the ring first as $100 bills with his likeness on it fell from the sky. Batista then made his way down the aisle but was met abruptly by the challenger and it was on. They brawled near the stage area using fire extinguishers and roadie cases as weapons until it spilled into the crowd, where Batista speared JBL through the barricade back into the ringside area. Back in the ring now and JBL takes control with stiff punches and clotheslines, then he gets a belt from ringside and whips Batista, as JR would say, like a government mule. I wanna know what a government mule is. I know there are a couple of government officials here who look like mules but that can’t be it. Anyway, Batista gets the belt and returns the favor but his control doesn’t last long as he’s hit with a big boot and then a Clothesline From Hell. A surprising 2 count as JBL gets the top of the steps and brings them in and goes for a Power Bomb but Batista gets out of it. JBL charges but is hit with a Spine Buster and then a Batista Bomb. He stops and then hits JBL with another Batista Bomb this time on the steps for the 3 count. Brutal! Batista scores a big win in his hometown over a big time wrestler.
WINNER: AND STILL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION – BATISTA
 | | The Heart Break Kid bumps his ass off for absolutely anybody! |
ICON Vs LEGEND
SHAWN MICHAELS Vs HULK HOGAN
This is HBK’s 10th Summerslam match and he has never lost a one on one match at this event before. Hogan hit the ring last to a huge pop and a big USA flag fell down over the entrance way. If this was North Korea, it would be propaganda, since it’s in America, it’s patriotic. I love double standards. This match proved two things, 1. Shawn Michaels is the greatest bumper ever, including Ric Flair. 2. Hogan can’t move anymore. He’s like an old circus bear or elephant doing what he does but only cos he doesn’t know how to do anything else. That doesn’t mean he can’t get a crowd screaming for him. I still pop like mad for the old man. As Michaels hit the ring I said to my brother Dangerous Dave, "I wonder If Shawn can still carry match like this". Let me tell you, he can and he did. Mix Hogan’s charisma + HBK’s work ethic together and you have an awesome match. I loved it.
As I said earlier this was basically Michaels bumping like mad for Hogan and when he wasn’t, his offense was first class. It worked in 2 halves with Hogan controlling things first and HBK taking control second. Hogan used his power early to his advantage but HBK gained control by punching Hogan whenever he could and ended up busting him open big time. The end came when after a failed Sharpshooter attempt, HBK went to the outside and grabbed a chair and clocked Hogan over the head with it. Shawn went to the top and hit a Flying Elbow then tuned up the band for some Sweet Chin Music. Hogan got hit, Shawn made the cover but Hogan kicked out. OH MY GOD!!!! Hogan hulked up and threw some right hands, hit the big boot, then the legendary Legdrop and covered him for the 3 count. I never saw that coming! After the match HBK shook Hogan’s hand. He said he needed to know and he found out. HBK left the ring as we left the show with Hogan hot dogging to the crowd as usual.
WINNER: HULK HOGAN
It’ll be interesting to see who will be in line for the titles in the next couple of months, cos I think both contender’s runs are over.
And remember; never trust a midget or anyone with 2 first names.
by: The Gimmick
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I really enjoyed this PPV. It had a lot of things going for it, nostalgia, surprises, controversy and no Triple H. | |
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