The part that comes after part 1
Thu, 3 November 2005
by: Hillelman
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Yep. More of 'em.
FOND FAREWELL
Where were you when I needed you?
Never there when I needed you.
We both know I don't need you now.
Screaming out, I was calling you.
In every language I tried to talk to you,
Only my voice was silent to your ears.
I can't look, can't even look at you.
I have to close my eyes when I'm near you.
Just the sight of you makes me feel sick.
Go away; get away from me.
Stay away, where you came from me.
I wish I never even knew of you.
I wish I could forget I ever knew of you.
I'm afraid I might have to kill you.
Your existence ruins my life.
How could I have ever wanted you?
Why did I ever try to love you?
You don't deserve what I gave to you.
Not at all, in any way, for me.
What I loathe and despise is all that you are.
You're unworthy of any thought at all.
Stab my back as I turn from you.
Cut me deep, now I'm gone from you.
My blood is not yours any more.
_______________________________________________
BUTTERFLY EYES.
One white cloud engulfed the sky above.
Trees reached to heaven,
Turning briefly, bare and black.
Rain came down on strings of lost love,
Changing to silver beads
On each grass blade's back.
Some birds put on a show
Of fancy, arrow-like flight,
Enhanced by the backdrop
Of the vast white screen.
Butterfly eyes fluttered,
In celebration of the sight
Adding colour to the scene.
Lightning exploded to earth,
In the form of glowing spears
Majestically sounding out
A powerful, echoing chime.
Wind and thunder produced
A wild symphony for all ears,
While the whole universe
Danced gracefully in time.
________________________________________________
OUT TOXICATION 2
There is no measurement left for my desperation.
Consumed, overwhelmed, by this out toxication.
Content and happy I could so easily be,
They keep sucking all the life out of me.
I don't deserve to be mistreated this way.
Sooner or later I'll have to make you pay.
Used me up again.
A clear-cut case of exploitation.
You'll get to know how it feels.
In the out toxication.
Bitter, angry and twisted is not how to feel.
Keep on taking from me, all they can steal.
Shot me down again,
without the slightest hesitation.
You pulled me right in.
I'll send you back out toxication.
________________________________________________________
ONE TO THE NEXT.
Moments, we keep living in
These moments we keep living in
From one to the next keep moving
Over as they begin
They're over as they begin
Keep it with me please won't you?
Won't you please keep it with me?
Can't we just stay for a moment?
For one moment can't we just stay?
Give it back to me, I lost it
I lost it, give it back to me
Together we'll know it is ours,
If we feel it,
If we feel it together,
We will know its ours
Then we can keep that moment forever
Forever that moment will be ours to keep.
_______________________________________________________
HEAVY LIGHT
I have fallen right off the face of the earth.
Drifting just as me- whatever that is worth.
I tried to drive my love into you.
That was all I ever wanted to do.
My heart was extracted with the wrench of false security.
Leaving useless components, without a reason left to be.
Do my best to remain positive, but I must admit;
It's hard when everything you touch turns to shit.
Heavy light threw me onto the waves of this vast uncharted ocean.
Nothing wrong or right, floating on the emptiness of pure emotion.
With all that is lost and found I drifted away on an unknown course.
Lack of meaning so profound. Drowned me in the irresistible force.
Weak with power, I became one with the underwater world.
Couldn't see anything. Hear anything. Touch or move anything.
All I could do was feel. More feeling than ever before.
_________________________________________________________
DENSE FOREST.
Trees up and all around me,
Their mighty branches let through no light.
Thought I felt some sunshine on my skin,
But my frame remains chilled-
A frozen skeleton.
Leaves are falling to the ground,
For each one another shall take its place.
There's no pride left to be found in this dense forest,
The hunting wolves have devoured it all.
I hear the owls, still speaking their coded dialect.
How wise they once sounded, now they simply confuse me.
And these trees continue to refuse all entrance to the light.
_________________________________________________________
DESCENT.
Haven't the faintest clue how I got here,
Least of my problems anyway.
No places left to be turned to,
Guess I might as well just stay.
All these strange lights are playing tricks,
Inside tangled hallways of my unguarded mind.
Pictures from shadows. Not really there,
Or maybe they just took me this long to find.
Who do I think I am I to question them?
Anyhow, what kind of difference would it make?
Only sounds left are stolen heartbeats,
None of them are mine. I have none left to take.
_________________________________________________________
VIRTUOUS PATIENT.
Consume one four times every each day.
Hold your breath and hope it goes away.
Take all you can of the usual adult dose.
Our best advice is not to get too close.
Who wrote the prescriptions for your medicine?
You are just a patient and you are growing thin.
If you think you might require further relief
Just close your eyes and swallow your grief.
________________________________________________________
WONDER.
Wide open as they can be,
Eyes explore the scene for me.
Irresistible wonder takes over my being.
It is impossible to take in all I'm seeing.
Contentment often stems
From my inclusion here.
At other times I feel so small
I would gladly just disappear.
Shut tightly as they can be,
My vision saves a lot from me.
I feel a sense of dread,
For the damage I've done.
Can't understand business
If you've never had fun.
________________________________________________________
GAMBLE.
Never had a chance,
Can't find any chances to take.
Misery is not romance.
Was the entire happiness fake?
Shattered the windows to my soul.
All roads lead to an empty hole.
Each diamond I find turns into coal.
I never had a chance.
Skull cracked open by insanity.
Victim of my own vanity.
Lost sight of all humanity.
I never had a chance.
Legs too numb to make a stand.
Took my help, then cut off my hand.
A stranger in the strangest land.
I never had a chance.
Never had a chance, but that is okay,
Didn't stop me before. I like it that way.
________________________________________________________
NO LOVER OF MINE.
Tell me if I sneeze will you bless me?
If I start to freeze will you dress me?
Do you aim to please, or just impress me?
Yes I would do it for you, so would you do it for me?
Otherwise you're no lover. No, you are no lover I'd see.
If I was to hold you near would you feel the desire to kiss me?
If I showed my fear would you bring comforting bliss to me?
If I should just disappear would you soon start to miss me?
I would pick you up but will you be there when I fall?
Otherwise you're no lover. No, you are no lover at all.
Would you give me your heart in exchange for mine?
Can you see in the dark when the sun doesn't shine?
Continue what we start, all the way down the line?
We can share our world but would you allow it to be?
Otherwise you're no lover. No, you are no lover to me.
If I tell you the truth would you still lie in my face?
Can you ease any pain with your loving embrace?
Will we rise up again should we fall from our grace?
I'll let you see my feelings, can you offer yours for show?
Otherwise you're no lover. No you are no lover I'd know.
_______________________________________________________
UNSEEN AND FREE.
Lying with the dogs, I bark out a distorted picture.
There's no sense to be made while we search for a reason.
Still the stars in my eyes all come to me for an answer
And the people in my face ignorantly buy up every second.
Yet none of those peanuts they pay will ever earn them my soul.
All these birds who grab at my arms to uplift me,
Cannot seem to fly me to any place I've not been before.
Wearing my hair around my face, like the mane of a lion.
While my roar remains mighty, I stay trapped in this zoo.
How could I explain to the salesmen carrying my tombstone
I only wish to be buried in holes that are unseen and free.
_______________________________________________________
HOPELESS EXPECTATIONS.
Tell me are you really dead?
I can't tell the difference any more.
Just not able to fit inside your head.
Think I went out the wrong door.
I still hear those words once said,
So tell me- are you really dead?
Can those pretty eyes look at ugly things?
Don't always believe in what you see.
Can a deaf man know what song he sings?
All just sounds like noise to me.
Drank the wine and I ate the bread,
So tell me- are you really dead?
Is it really possible for a man to heal,
With a knife still lodged deep in his back?
Rip off the scabs to see what they reveal.
The blood has gone from red to black.
I'm lying here in an unmade bed.
So tell me, are you really dead?
This is all just one big magic trick,
Its all about mirrors and smoke.
My medicine might just make you sick.
Keep feeding you until you choke.
The old skin's waiting to be shed.
So tell me- are you really dead?
Who stuck this lump down my throat?
It is of no kind of use to me.
The paint could use another coat.
Time to stop barking up that tree.
Now all my bones have turned to lead.
Just tell me- are you really dead?
_______________________________________________________
INHUMAN RACE
They cheer me on, want me to win the race.
I'd rather go through it at my own pace.
To lose shall bring to me no disgrace,
I just have to find my own belonging place.
These finishing posts are always near,
I'll just stop and observe it from here.
Once the parade is over it all becomes clear.
Hand out the medals and conquer your fear.
Stand high and proud as the crowd's cheer.
That is not the kind of sound I care to hear.
For sorrow or joy they shed a second hand tear.
I'll stop at the nearest bar and drink some beer.
Never my race to begin with. I'll gladly disappear.
Just once you really should try to see it from here.
by: Hillelman
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