I believe The Gimmick loves Cena as much as this crowd does
Wed, 11 January 2006
by: The Gimmick
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ALBANY, NEW YORK
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
EDGE W/ LITA Vs RIC FLAIR
I was surprised this feud began as quickly as it did, cos I thought Flair and Triple H still had some legs. But they made the mistake of making their first encounter, back a few months ago, a Cage Match. That's something the old school mentality of WWE would never have let happen. But I don't mind this feud and Edge is great at stirring the pot. The match itself wasn't great, but only because it was so short. Little did we know Edge needed to conserve his energy! In the end Flair back-body dropped Edge to the outside and brought Lita in and applied the Figure Four Leglock. Edge raced into the ring and slammed his "Money In The Bank" briefcase across Flair's head and split him wide open causing a DQ victory for The Nature Boy.
WINNER: AND STILL INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION – RIC FLAIR
After the match, Edge continued the assault on Flair leaving him a bloody mess. Backstage Kurt Angle is with his sidekick Daivari and Kurt has the following to say: he hopes America loses the war, he thinks France is the greatest country on earth, he isn't a fan of black people and would love to go back in time and make Jesus tap out. He claims he could say anything he wants and the people would still cheer him, and he is right. He also said he won his first title in Albany and he'll do it again.
WWE WOMANS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
MICKIE JAMES Vs TRISH STRATUS
I want the woman's division to work so bad, but they just don't have enough for the long term. In the short term, however, this feud is working for me and it isn't over yet. Plus, I like Mickie James in the ring. No pun intended there! I've probably said this before, but if you wanna see great woman's wrestling watch the Japanese stuff- it will blow you away. But since we don't see that standard in the WWE, this wasn't too bad. Mickie James had most of the control throughout the match, but her enthusiasm wasn't enough. After a few very close counts, Mickie went for her Mick Kick but missed and Trish hit her Chick Kick for the 3 count.
WINNER: AND STILL WWE WOMANS CHAMPION – TRISH STRATUS
Backstage Maria is interviewing herself, and what a conversation it is. Gregory Helms interrupts and states he will hospitalize Jerry Lawler tonight. As the camera pans away we see Shelton Benjamin walking with his mamma, who is either Martin Lawrence in a fat suit, or Oprah Winfrey in a normal suit, I can't decide yet. Anyway she nags him and heads backstage to get some food for him.
JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER Vs GREGORY HELMS
I was actually looking forward to this, cos I wanted to see Helms wrestle, but it turned into a nightmare. Lawler can't go anymore! I didn't see a lot of him in his prime, so that's hard to judge, but he sure sucks now. His offence is weak and all he does is throw punches. The only upside to watching him wrestle is listening to him commentate. He is proof that if you tell people you were great for long enough, they will eventually believe you. I hate to harp on it, but he is a walking vacuum cleaner, blowing and sucking at the same time. Anyway, at the end of the match Helms was hit with a bevy of fists, and when Lawler went for the Piledriver, Helms reversed it. The former Hurricane went up top but Lawler caught him, crotched him and hit the fist from the second rope and scored the win.
WINNER: JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER
I have a lot of questions about why Lawler went over Helms, but I won't bother asking them. Backstage Shelton's mamma was looking for some better food for Shelton when Viscera came in and went looking for love in all the wrong places. She told him if he wants action, she will see to it. That sort of loving is why we need Net Nanny's on our TVs.
 | | Are you sure this thing has chocolate in it? |
BIG SHOW Vs TRIPLE H
Great match, possibly the match of the night. Nothing special, it was just a good solid match. Big Show came out with his hand plastered up from the sledgehammer attack two weeks earlier on RAW at the hands (no pun intended) of The Game. It was your basic big man Vs smaller fighter match, with Big Show taking advantage early by using his size and the cast to his benefit. Triple H worked a smart match beating on Show's hand at every opportunity, with whatever he could use. Show fought back, and went for the Chokeslam but he couldn't use his broken hand, so the battle continued to the outside. Triple H again was relentless with his attack on Show's hand, using everything he could outside the ring until Big Show hit a huge running spear on The Game. With both men now back in the ring and with the referee down from an earlier incident, Big Show went for the Chokeslam but Triple H grabbed the Sledgehammer, slammed Big Show in the head, hit the Pedigree and scored the pinfall.
WINNER: TRIPLE H
Backstage Carlito walks in on The Masterpiece while he's working out and the two of them come up with a plan to ensure that at least one of them would walk out of Albany as the new WWE Champion. Back at ringside, Shelton Benjamin and his mamma are in the ring and it looks like we have an impromptu match, as Viscera makes his way down.
SHELTON BENJAMIN Vs VISCERA
I didn't expect much from this one and I wasn't disappointed. Well, I was with the match, but I knew it was gonna happen, so I wasn't disappointed... You know what I mean. Shelton's mamma is outside the ring and it's the first time I've seen her and I already hate her. She's got that attitude like Sharmell but she's ugly, so you can't say "well at least I can turn the sound down and still enjoy looking at her". (She's also got one of the most annoying & loud voices I've ever heard. Plus, she seems to have no clue what she's doing. She even called Viscera "Shelton" at one stage- Sammy) Not much to say about this one except it went on too long, but eventually Shelton got the win after his mamma hit Viscera with her purse and Shelton followed it up with his trademark spinning kick.
WINNER: SHELTON BENJAMIN
Let's hope nobody gets the idea about giving Shelton and his mamma the Tag Team titles like they did in WCW with Marcus Bagwell's mother and Rick Steiner. Stranger things have happened. Anyway, backstage HBK is getting ready for the Elimination Chamber match when Vinnie Mac barges in. He basically tells HBK that he has no chance in hell of winning the title. I still don't know what to make of this angle! It's too much like the McMahon/Bret screw job angle from 1997 (shit, I can't believe it was that long ago) or the McMahon/Austin angle. I'll give it a bit longer till I make my mind up.
BRA AND PANTIES GAUNTLET MATCH
MARIA Vs TORRIE WILSON Vs ASHLEY Vs VICTORIA Vs CANDICE MICHELLE
If you don't know the rules to this one I'll quickly describe them for you. Two women start things off and the first one stripped to their bra and panties is eliminated. The winner stays on and the next challenger enters and so on, until there is only one woman standing. Got it? Good! Maria and Candice started things off with Maria eliminating Candice. Torrie was next in, and she fell victim to Maria's stripping abilities also. Victoria entered and she eliminated Maria until we heard the music of Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah. OH DEAR GOD, NO! Mae Young took off her top and then her skirt. I take back what I said earlier, THIS IS WHY WE NEED NET NANNY'S ON ALL TV'S! Victoria attacked Mae from behind, Moolah then attacked Victoria as Mae ripped off Victoria's top. We almost got to see Victoria's hooters instead of Mae Young's empty wind socks. Thank god they left when they did! Ashley made her way down and quickly pulled down Victoria's pants.
WINNER: ASHLEY
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP: ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH
KANE Vs CHRIS MASTERS Vs CARLITO Vs KURT ANGLE Vs SHAWN MICHAELS Vs JOHN CENA
Pretty good match, but how can you fudge up an Elimination Chamber match. A new combatant enters the ring every four minutes, which means quicker action. The "Cena Sucks" chants were huge also and I loved every bit of it. Cena and HBK started off, with nothing special happening until contestant number 3 entered- Carlito. And what an ovation he got, especially when he attacked Cena. In fact, everyone got a huge ovation when they attacked Cena! Carlito went on the offence early with a huge senton bomb on HBK on the outside. Carlito had most of the control for the four minutes.
The next combatant entered- Kurt Angle. He made an immediate explosive impact on the match, with a German Suplex on HBK, then Carlito and then Cena. He then did it again to each of them! Angle is white hot and the crowd is popping hard for him. He hit a slingshot on HBK into the chain wall and Shawn got busted open. Angle attacked Cena and Michaels again and then hit Carlito with the Ankle Lock. Carlito held on long enough for the next entrant, Chris Masters, to save him from elimination.
 | | We can't see him...apparently |
Masters hit a Powerslam on Cena and a Press Slam on HBK. He then hooked the Master Lock on Angle, but Angle slipped out and caught him in the Ankle Lock. Cena went for the Fu on Angle, but he reversed that and locked the Ankle Lock on Cena. Then, out of nowhere, HBK hit Sweet Chin Music on Kurt and covered him for the 3 count. I can't believe it, Kurt is eliminated!
Carlito and Masters teamed up on HBK and John Cena, until Kane entered lucky last. He destroyed both Carlito and Masters and hit HBK and Cena with Chokeslams. Carlito and Masters came back and double teamed him, and when Masters slammed Carlito onto Kane it was over. Kane is eliminated!
It's back to two on two, but HBK came back and took on both Carlito and The Masterpiece. Michaels then hit the Flying Elbow on Cena and then Sweet Chin Music, but Carlito came from behind and hit a Swinging Neckbreaker on HBK and Shawn was gone. Cena then exploded on both his opponents Wow, what a kinky bastard!- Sammy, but it was too much for him. When The Masterpiece hit a DDT outside on the champ, he was a bloody mess. Carlito told Masters to apply the Master Lock and when he did Carlito hit Masters with a Low Blow and covered him for the pin. Cena then quickly rolled up Carlito for the pin and it was over, just like that.
WINNER: AND STILL WWE CHAMPION – JOHN CENA
Vince McMahon came out and said the night wasn't over. He ordered the Chamber the be raised because Cena had to defend the WWE title right now to the man who is cashing in his "Money in the Bank" contract: Edge.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
EDGE W/ LITA Vs JOHN CENA
Edge hammered away on a battered and bloodied John Cena and hit the Spear, but that only got a two count. So he hit it for a second time and this time it was enough.
WINNER: AND NEW WWE CHAMPION – EDGE
And remember; never trust a midget or anyone with 2 first names.
by: The Gimmick
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More articles by The Gimmick
What a swerve! That ending came out of nowhere and made the show that much better for me. But all in all, I was a bit disappointed in it. | |
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