The biggest wrestling show of the year, baby!
Thu, 6 April 2006
by: The Gimmick
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Here we are again, Wrestlemania has come and gone and The Gimmick is here to run it down for y'all. Honestly I can still remember watching Wrestlemania 1 for the first time as an 8 year old and it doesn't seem that long ago. Although my heavy drinking has left holes in my memory so that could be the reason!
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
CARLITO & "THE MASTERPIECE" Vs BIG SHOW & KANE
Not a bad opener, as I was interested to see this one with the tension between the challengers and to see how they fared against the giant champs. They didn't fare too well early on as the champs abused them both and at one stage Big Show threw Carlito over the top rope onto his partner as Kane came from the top rope and nailed them both with a clothesline on the outside. But the tide changed as the turnbuckle was removed by Carlito and Big Show went head first into it. The challengers didn't capitalize on the advantage and Big Show tagged in Kane and he cleaned house. Although The Masterpiece locked the Master Lock on Kane, it was no good. The end came when Kane had Carlito by the throat, but Masters came from the top to break it up but shades of Wrestlemania 1 came flooding back as Masters hit Carlito by mistake. Kane choke slammed Carlito and got the 3 count.
WINNERS: AND STILL WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - BIG SHOW & KANE
After the match Carlito and Masters got into a shoving match and that will set up a face turn for The Masterpiece and shoot Carlito into superstardom. Backstage The Coach interviewed HBK and he basically said the old HBK will be facing Vince McMahon.
MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH
SHELTON BENJAMIN Vs FINLAY Vs MATT HARDY Vs BOBBY LASHLEY Vs ROB VAN DAM Vs RIC FLAIR
Everyone in this one showed something, everyone that is except for Lashley. How can I put this nicely? He sucked! I'm sorry (no I'm not sorry), but why would you put someone like him on the biggest PPV of the year? So the blow in fans can marvel at his size, like they did with Goldberg, and say "Wow he's great!". If he is going to be a big time player he needs to give a lot more instead of taking all the time. I hate these wrestlers who live off the jobs and bumps of more talented performers. Lasley isn't the only one, but more on that later. I did like this match and although he didn't win, Ric Flair proved that he can still bump with the best of them and move the fans as well as he ever has. There were a number of big spots and bumps in this one which you should take a look at but the end of this came after RVD hit the Frog Splash on a new favorite of mine Finlay, and went up to get the briefcase. Then out of nowhere (literally) Benjamin jumped onto the ladder and tried to stop him. Hardy set up another ladder along side them and tried to steal it. Benjamin jumped across to Hardy's ladder but RVD pushed them both off and to the floor which allowed RVD to grab the case for the win and the guaranteed title match.
WINNER: ROB VAN DAM
Backstage Josh Matthews interviews Mean Gene Okerlund but was interrupted by Randy Orton. He insulted Mean Gene and then proceeded to proclaim himself the winner when he was interrupted by Batista. He warned Orton whoever wins is only holding the title till he comes back. Back in the ring The Fink is about to introduce the 2006 Hall of Fame inductees but says Bret Hart was uncomfortable coming out so he won't. I don't know what to say about that one. I've been in situations where I've had to bite the bullet and do something I didn't want to, but still did it so why can't he? Anyway they were all introduced one by one and it was great to see them.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD W/ JILLIAN HALL Vs CHRIS BENOIT
I had high hopes for this one but again I probably aimed too high. It was a great match but not on the level as the ones I've heard about from their house shows. It seemed pretty quick also, but I may have to check it out again to make sure. They did do what I thought they would and beat the crap out of each other which was nice of them. Nothing hugely notable about it except JBL mocking Eddie Guerrero to a huge round of boos. Great stuff! In the end though, after hitting his flying headbutt Benoit locked in the Crippler Crossface and it looked over. But JBL rolled over with it, grabbed the ropes (because that's just what heels do) and got the win.
WINNER: AND NEW U.S. CHAMPION - JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD
(JBL a champion: good times are here again!)
|Goodness gracious great balls of fire! |
EDGE W/ LITA Vs MICK FOLEY
First of all, unfortunately this was the best match of the night. I say unfortunately because on the biggest WRESTLING night of them all, a brawl takes the award. Maybe unfortunately isn't the word, maybe it should be disappointing. It was a great match though, but we knew Foley was going to turn up the heat on this one (literally). Foley also did a good job of building a feud out of nothing with his pro mo on RAW prior to this. Joey Styles was brought in to call this one cos apparently he only knows how to call Hardcore matches and JR is above all this. Anyway, this had all the toys you'd come to expect including cookie sheets, road signs, barbed wire and thumbtacks. But the coup de grad unfolded at the end, as Foley squirted lighter fluid on a table out side, Lita hit him with a barbed wire bat and set the table on fire. As Foley was climbing up on the apron, Edge hit a spear through the ropes on Foley and through the flaming table. It was a beautiful sight! Edge covered Foley for the 1, 2, 3.
The look on Edge's face was priceless and helped enhance the impact. Backstage Booker T and Sharmell are talking about freaks and how Booker attracts them, when we see Paul Burchill shadow sword fighting. We next see Ted Dibiase betting Eugene he can't bounce a basketball 100 times consecutively, but he kicks the ball away so he doesn't have to pay (this was a skit he did as an active wrestler back in 1987. That's how I know what he was doing). Next we see Snitsky licking Mae Young's foot and enjoying it. Finally Booker and Sharmell come across Goldust who tells him to embrace his freaky side or else he will never beat the Boogeyman. Booker walks off in disgust as the "freaks" stand around, being freaks. Quite funny!
BOOKER T & SHARMELL Vs THE BOOGEYMAN
When I spoke earlier about guys who live off the bumps and jobs of others, I was also talking about The Boogeyman. This guy has no talent at all and a class act like Booker T had to lower himself and job to this goof. At least Lashley has some talent, this joke has zero. I've seen road kill with the ability to entertain better than this guy. If you people want to see freaks who eat worms, go to a circus or a hillbilly bait and tackle shop. I have had it with these guys who think they can pass this crap off as wrestling entertainment and shame on the McMahons for letting it happen. It is shit like this that stops me from watching wrestling. This wasn't even a match it was over within 5 minutes, after The Boogeyman kissed Sharmell with a mouth full of worms, he hit Booker with a double handed chokeslam and that was that.
WINNER: THE BOOGEYMAN
WWE WOMAN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
MICKIE JAMES Vs TRISH STRATUS
I love Mickie James and her character, because it's nice to see another female wrestler who doesn't need to disrobe to get over and I think the crowd in Chicago agrees with me. They were hot for Mickie and I don't think it was out of malice for Trish, I think her gimmick has gotten over. Mickie basically had most of the control with this one and her actions unbalanced the champ. Trish tried for the Stratus-faction but Mickie licked Trish in the lower region and that freaked out Trish. Mickie went for her own Stratus-faction but she unfortunately botched it and instead hit the Mick Kick for the win.
WINNER: AND NEW WWE WOMAN'S CHAMPION - MICKIE JAMES
MARK HENRY Vs THE UNDERTAKER
This was my shoe in victory for Wrestlemania and I picked The Undertaker, how could you go past him? Mark Henry just didn't seem good enough and he was without Daivari for the match. Again nothing of importance in this one, both guys attempted and failed to put the other in the casket and close it throughout the match. Mark Henry used his size and strength to work over the Dead Man and in turn Taker used all his trademark moves. But just as the fans were getting restless, Taker threw Henry outside the ring and onto the casket and dove over the top rope, over the casket and onto Henry. I wonder if Sir Isaac Newton knows about his breaking the laws of gravity and physics. No on that size or age should be able to do that. Unbelievable! Taker rolled him back in and hit the Tombstone. Equally impressive! He rolled Mark Henry into the casket, closed it and stretched his win loss record at Wrestlemania to 14-0.
WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER
NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH
VINCE McMAHON Vs SHAWN MICHAELS
If ever you wanted to see ol' Vinnie Mac get the crap beaten out of him, this is the match to see. Everyone thinks Terry Funk or Mick Foley are hardcore, but what is more hardcore than a 60 year old billionaire taking vicious beatings when he doesn't have to? By the way, he did take a hell of a beating. There wasn't much offense from the boss and even with The Spirit Squad and his son Shane to interfere on his behalf, it wasn't enough for the billionaire to win. And in the end after HBK teased us with putting Vince away and with Vince bloodied, beaten, with a garbage bin on his head and laid strewn across a table, Shawn leapt from a HUGE ladder and elbow dropped Vince straight down to hell.
WINNER: SHAWN MICHAELS
WORLD HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
REY MYSTERIO Vs RANDY ORTON Vs KURT ANGLE
I've never liked Triple Threat matches because they're so hard to build a story around within a match and this one could've been so much better had it been one on one with any of the three combatants. It was a good 15 minute match and it really was action from start to finish, but a single match would've blown everyone away. Kurt had both guys beaten early on with the Ankle Lock but the other man distracted the ref and the "tap" wasn't seen. By the way, Kurt was hot with the crowd and they even booed Rey when he had offense on Kurt. He wasn't only hot with the crowd, he was hot in the ring and it looked like it was going to be out of Rey or Orton as to which one would fall victim to Kurt Angle. The end came as Orton was stalking Rey and Angle came from behind and hit an Angle Slam but could only get a 2 count. He went for the same move on Rey but Rey reversed it and sent Angle outside with an arm drag and with Orton on the ropes, Rey hit a 619 and an awesome West Coast Pop and shocked the world with the win.
WINNER: AND NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION - REY MYSTERIO
Rey celebrated his victory with Chavo and Vickie Guerrero at the top of the ramp and even this crowd couldn't boo that. Backstage Cena and Triple H are preparing for the title match.
PLAYBOY PILLOW FIGHT
CANDICE MICHELLE Vs TORRIE WILSON
I've had it! I can't do this anymore. If they are going to keep putting this crap on a wrestling PPV for the lust of a few horny teenagers and dirty old men, at the expense of a good wrestling match, then I won't watch it anymore. If I want to see that I'll go online and the performances will be better and dirtier. I want to watch wrestling on a wrestling PPV. WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!!! Who are you catering for with this shit! I'm not gonna review it.
WINNER: TORRIE WILSON
The only thing funny about it was the Shillelagh that was under the bed. I wonder it Finlay's bedroom looked like that?
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
|Cena executes this hold about as well as The Rock does the Sharpshooter. |
TRIPLE H Vs JOHN CENA
Triple H came to the ring dressed as a Barbarian king and to a new version of his song performed by Motor Head. A video package played with vision of the Chicago mobsters from the 1920's, the ramp lifted and a mob style car rolled ringside with Gangstas's hanging from the side. Cena appeared at the top of the ramp, fired a tommy gun and headed to the ring. The theatrics looked good, but were so stupid. Anyway the match had a big fight feel to it and the crowd was so anti Cena it was like Hogan Vs The Rock all over again. Everything Cena did the crowd booed and his offense was off early because of it. The end was unbelievable, Cena kicked out of a sledgehammer shot and Triple H kicked out of an FU. Helmsley went for another Pedigree but Cena reversed it and turned it in an STFU. Triple H looked as if he had passed out as the ref raised his arms, but on the third lift he held on. But it was no good, Triple H tapped out to John Cena's STFU. Yes you heard me right, Triple H tapped out to John Cena's STFU!
WINNER: AND STILL WWE CHAMPION - JOHN CENA
"Wrestling is real, everything else is fake!"
*Sammy's note: The images used in this article were taken from WWE.COM. Buttonhole will have an additonal review of Wrestlemania 22, done by our "Wrestling B Team" of myself and DBL, as is our custom now with the bigger PPVs. We should have that for you soon, so keep checking the site and make sure to wash your hands (I don't know what that means, I just felt saying it for no reason at all)*
by: The Gimmick
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More articles by The Gimmick
I was actually disappointed with the show, it felt like it was missing something. I wasn't expecting too much, it just fell short. Hopefully Backlash will be better.