Don't mean they're not after you
Sun, 30 April 2006
by: Hillelman
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Been a touch longer than normal (whatever "normal" means) since I did an Editorial column. I'll do another of my long ones; both to make up for the delay and because I just so happen to feel like it right now. Make yourselves comfortable and read it at your own chosen speed.
I am in a far better mood this time. After I wrote my preceding Editorial (and showed my usual level of charm by calling the majority of Buttonhole's readers "lazy sons of bitches") I got a good response. I received a nice increase in "feedback" (as the marketing wankers like to say) and encouragement from the emails you people sent me. Nice one.
I dunno if that previous Editorial I just mentioned had anything to do with it, but we've since had a few new people join the Buttonhole Forums (which Fazz continues to look after beautifully) as well. Mind you, I'd still like to see more of you on those message boards. But I'll take some improvement over none any day of the week. Except for Sundays, where it wouldn't be appreciated fully by yours truly (I am too busy on Sundays - sacrificing virgins & performing pagan rituals - to notice anything else). So... yeah, please keep up the fine work, Buttonhole readers. Good for nothing pricks.
I love to play a lot of video games. You probably noticed that. Do I have an enormous heap of sweet games to review from Buttonhole's support publishers right now? Yes. Yes, I do. In fact, I have way more of them than I can keep up with. I can't decide which of them to cover first. But, as I've said many times over, that is my favourite kind of "problem".
Do I know what "rhetorical" means (Simpsons references are never going to die, but I've been trying to cut down personally)? Yes. Yes, I do. Okay...let's talk more about games, baby!
My Xbox 360 showed up at long last. The wonders may never cease. What a great launch job. I am surrounded by retards! My sincere apologies to those who may be offended by my use of the word "retards". I'm not referring to "mentally challenged" folks when I use that term. I use it to describe those who are fortunate enough to be blessed with full mental faculties, but choose (usually through either, or both, laziness and arrogance) not to use them properly. Anyway, back to talking about 360:
I had been blaming Microsoft for the delay, but it turned out to be someone else's fault. Even so, Microsoft haven't exactly won much of the games press (or consumers for that matter) over with the way they handled the 360 launch. For one thing; in my opinion - which is probably going to get me in some trouble if they read this - Microsoft (or "Pulse" - the name of the company that handles the big M's Xbox distribution/publication here in Australia) can shove those water balloons right up their arses. I'll explain this stuff more in my write up for the 360 system itself. Some heads might just roll (and, hell, one of 'em could be mine!). Stick around Buttonholers & you can soon read all about it!
I know I'm late, as usual (even my saying "late as usual" is now usual!), with the 360 hardware review. I also know my fellow Australian (and otherwise) game geeks have probably long since already read all about Microsoft's console. But, as is the norm with my delays (at least, so I prefer to believe), I did everything I could. There wasn't any possible way for me to fix the situation. Besides, my review of the 360 will be better written and more amusing than what anyone else has done. Yep, I really am one humble and modest motherf*cker.
I also have several review copy titles for the 360. I'll get to them soon. Buttonhole's first 360 game review, done by Jason, is already up.
Imagine you just got an exciting, brand new & mega powerful console. Plus, you have plenty of software to play on it. A game on an older system would have to be pretty amazing to make you put all that aside. Well, that's what the latest Dragon Quest game on PS2 has done for/to me. It really is just that great (so long as you don't utterly despise all RPGs, I guess). I have plenty more playing to do with it, but right now I honestly reckon it might well be one of the all time best. PS2 Dragon Quest review coming...when it comes.
One last game-related topic (since this particular column already wound up being mostly about that subject) I want to mention: Nintendo's upcomming console (the development title of which was "Revolution") shall be called Wii. What do I think of that name? Well, since you asked, I think it sucks. By any other name a rose may still smell as sweet, but not everyone is going to bother learning that for themselves. The Nintendo fans are going to want it regardless, but I can't see the Wii title convincing many other people to give it a shot. But, since I'm a Ninty fanboy, I wish them all the best with it. I know there will be some amazing games for it that I'll want (being a huge fan of most the big N's exclusive properties), so I fully intend to get one.
Buttonhole's MVP award right now, for content contributions - aside from me & our Assistant Editor, Australian Ninja (which, hopefully, goes without saying) - goes to Hatchy. Keep up the fine work Hatchy, it is a pleasure to have you on board.
There was so much more I was going to talk about here, but I don't reckon I should go on any longer for now. Remain as you are at your best and remember that you'll get no dessert until you've eaten your vegetables.
by: Hillelman
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