The Gimmick lashes back
Thu, 4 May 2006
by: The Gimmick
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What traditionally comes after Wrestlemania? No, not a hangover! Backlash comes after Wrestlemania, and this year's continues that tradition.
CHRIS MASTERS Vs CARLITO
Former partners clashed in this PPV opener and, it always seemed to me as the battle between "Brains Vs Brawn". Carlito still doesn't seem to be a full fledged face yet even though in recent times he's been tagging with faces on RAW and showing a lean in that direction. Masterpiece however needs a manager, and then and only then will he be a top heel. He's got everything else needed. OK, onto the match, which was pretty cool incidentally as Carlito was over big time all throughout. The entire match was back and forth between both men with the Masterpiece working over the back of Carlito's neck and Carlito just taking whatever advantage he could. In the end Masterpiece slapped on the Masterlock, but Carlito slipped out and pushed him face first into the turnbuckle, hit the back-cracker and got the 3 count with the help of the ropes. Brains 1 - Brawn 0.
Backstage, Maria announces to everyone that Masters beat Carlito! WTF! If you killed her for being smart, you'd be killing an innocent person. Nonetheless, Lita comes in and gives an interview about Edge winning the title. Blah, Blah, Blah!
UMAGA w/ARMANDO ALEJANDRO ESTRADA Vs RIC FLAIR
First off, I wanna say I like Armando. To me he is a cross between Razor Ramon and 80's manager Slick, all class. This match was nothing more than a 4 - 5 minute squash. I guess Ric is paying for his mistakes outside the ring, inside the ring. Umaga destroyed Flair and finally tied him in the Tree of Woe and delivered a number of head-butts before hitting his version of the old Asiatic Spike and covered the former champion for the 3.
Backstage Vince performs a few "miracles" in front of his son Shane who didn't look too pleased. He walked on water, created a feast with a fish and a loaf of bread and turned water into wine. I'd like to see any of those phony street magicians do that!
WWE WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
|How's the view from there? |
TRISH STRATUS Vs MICKIE JAMES
Unfortunately this one ended in a bit of tragedy. About 5 or 6 minutes in, Trish had Mickie in the corner and was on the turnbuckle laying in a few right hands when Mickie dumped Trish over the top rope. Trish braced herself with her right hand on the apron and as she flipped over she hyper extended her arm and popped her shoulder out. She rolled back in but she looked to be in a lot of pain. Mickie went for a few pin attempts and miraculously kicked out of all of them. Mickie eventually ended the match early by getting herself DQ'ed. Up until then it wasn't a bad match but hopefully we'll see the rematch again in a few weeks.
WINNER: BY DISQUALIFICATION - TRISH STRATUS
After the match Trish stood up and you could see the dislocation clearly but she showed more guts than most football players do in that situation. I have even more respect for her after that. Backstage Maria corrected herself for the earlier blunder and spoke to HBK. He essentially said god was with him and ended by saying he and Kentucky have two for Vince, "SUCK IT!". Another DX reformation tease!
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP VS MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH
SHELTON BENJAMIN Vs ROB VAN DAM
Match of the night with both guys busting their asses for the IC title and the guaranteed WWE title match. Shelton Benjamin is the best black wrestler ever, bar none, and RVD showed why he is the best wrestler to never win the world title. Some good notable spots in this one including RVD hitting a nice Plancha, Benjamin hitting a Sunset Flip into a Power Bomb to the outside & a Rolling Thunder counter into a Samoan Drop by Shelton. Plus all the great standards these two guys are capable of. Eventually Benjamin, frustrated, went out and grabbed the MITB briefcase and brought it in. As the referee got knocked down, RVD grabbed the briefcase and hit Benjamin with a version of the Van Daminator. He scaled the top rope and hit an awesome 5 Star Frog Splash and wins it all.
WINNER - ROB VAN DAM
Backstage Big Show speaks to Todd Grisham about Kane and the May 19th mystery. He also said it would be an eye for an eye, referring to the attack by Kane from the previous week on RAW. My question is, why hasn't this May 19th trauma reared it's head on a previous May 19th? I mean he's not a new comer; he's been in the WWE for 10 freakin' years! I guess we'll have to wait and see.
KANE Vs BIG SHOW
Another match involving former partners but this one was done in slow motion. Nothing special here except two 7 foot monsters beating the hell out of each other, but when you're a wrestling fan it's "been their, seen that". It actually wasn't too bad but another disappointing ending ruined another match. After 10 or so minutes Big Show was about to put that big sausage like finger of his in Kane's eye, but Kane blocked it and sent Show to the outside. As he went and followed, the lights went red and a voice over started speaking "May 19th is happening again". I didn't understand and I still don't, was that supposed to be symbolic of what was going through Kane's head, so that we know, or was it physically meant to be over the PA as if his thoughts were out in the open? Because the ref, Big Show and the commentators kinda ignored everything and went about the match as if nothing was or had happened. Bizarre! In any case as this was happening, Kane was writhing in pain clutching and hitting his head. Big Show saw this and went outside, grabbed a chair and clocked Kane with it to put him out of his misery. I wonder if the RSPCA is that humane. Once he hit him everything went back to normal but Kane sat up laughing as Big Show left.
WINNER: NO CONTEST
Backstage another Vince miracle occurred as he groped Candice Michelle's breasts. I didn't see what was wrong with them, but I guess any excuse will do. Shane walked in and broke it up before it went too far. I think Jerry Lawler has a strong contender for his "creepy old man" title in the form of Vince McMahon.
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
|Taste the boot |
SHANE & VINCE MCMAHON Vs SHAWN MICHAELS & GOD
This is why extremists hate America because of stunts like this. Vince McMahon will exploit anything including something as personal as ones religion. But at least he's consistent, I'll give him that. There isn't a lot he won't take advantage of. Personally I don't have a problem with it on a blasphemy level because that sort of stuff doesn't worry me, it's just so stupid. Forget about how many feathers it's going to ruffle, it is just completely ludicrous. I don't know why they would do it. Nevertheless, before the match and with both McMahon's in the ring, Vince introduced Shawn's partner god to the ring with more names than Apollo Creed. After a bit o' piss take from Vince, Shawn hit the ring and we're on. It was a typical McMahon match, not much else to speak of except for a couple of spots. Can that man wrestle without a no DQ stipulation?
Notably, HBK hit Vince with a High Cross Body off the stage and onto a pile of stage equipment but was then met immediately with a chair to the head which resulted in a crimson mask. In the end, HBK fought back and nailed both McMahon's with Sweet Chin Music and went outside for some toys. He set up two tables and put both men on them then grabbed a huge ladder and was about to leap onto the McMahon's but stopped and leapt to the outside onto the Spirit Squad who had just made their way to the ring, taking them all out. But there was too many of them and they eventually threw HBK into the air and through a table allowing Vince McMahon to make the cover and get the win. Chalk up another win for Vince against insurmountable odds.
WINNERS: VINCE & SHANE MCMAHON
Backstage Grisham interviewed John Cena which allowed me to take a dunny break. In the ring however Matt Striker conducted a lesson to the people of Kentucky by introducing one of there own; Eugene. He showed the people, however tempting it may be, why you shouldn't marry your cousin. I couldn't agree more. Eugene attempted to pick his nose and eat it but Striker scolded him, but was force fed Eugene's nose goblin. Another reason why Smackdown is the superior brand!
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
EDGE w/LITA Vs TRIPLE H Vs JOHN CENA
A lot of you may know that I'm not a big fan of Triple Threat matches, at least not WWE ones, but this one was OK, and in fact better than the one at Wrestlemania. Cena & Triple H worked over each other as Edge became an observer only to interject when a cover was occurring. It didn't take them long to take out some anger on Edge and whilst outside, they played one of my favorite games "Can You Top This" with Edge's head and the announcers table. From there, they all took turns in beating on each other with Triple H coming off the worst when Edge catapulted him into the post busting him wide open then DDTing him on the announce table which didn't break. OUCH!
After a number of hard hits and near pinfalls, including Triple H nearly tapping out to Cena's STFU again and also The Game hitting Lita with a hard Spinebuster, the end came as Triple H went to use the Sledge Hammer on Cena but Edge hit a Spear on The Game. Edge went after Cena but the champ hoisted Edge up instead for the FU just as Triple H hit Cena with a low blow sending Edge to the outside. Helmsley went for the Pedigree but again Cena avoided defeat and rolled up Triple H in a Jackknife cover and scored the win.
|Taste the sledgehammer |
WINNER: AND STILL WWE CHAMPION - JOHN CENA
After the match Triple H cleaned house with the Sledgehammer laying both men out.
The simplest way to put this is, too many reasons why not to watch RAW as apposed to not enough reasons to stay. It's as simple as that. When you've got people like Vince doing what he's doing, Kane's breakdown, Eugene being Eugene, guys like Viscera, women stripping instead of wrestling and commentators like Lawler and Jim Ross, who incidentally came back for the PPV, it's no wonder Joey Styles quit the next night on RAW. I know it was a work/shoot but his points are so valid that it is going to be hard to make the returning ECW brand out to be the bad guys when it comes back. I honestly believe wrestling fans wanna watch wrestling, not the crap RAW puts out every week and it's sad for guys like RVD, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Matt Striker and maybe one or two others who are working their asses off in the midst of a circus. But that's sports entertainment for you.
"Wrestling is real, everything else is fake!"
by: The Gimmick
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