The "Fake Gimmick" hasn't shown up yet
Fri, 30 June 2006
by: The Gimmick
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Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Gimmick! And Vengeance is here sayeth Vincent K McMahon. It's the return of DX and the debut of Sabu at a WWE PPV. That, plus some interesting matches, made this one a show to look forward to.
RANDY ORTON Vs KURT ANGLE
It was Raw Vs ECW and it was also the return match between these two from ECW One Night Stand just three odd weeks ago. Although the ONS match was better, this was no slouch and was a great opener for the PPV. Some great mat wrestling by Kurt as usual and Orton was, well being Orton and doing it perfectly. Towards the end Orton removed the turnbuckle pad but was caught in 7 massive German Suplex' by the "machine". And after and Angle Slam it was time for the Ankle Lock. But Orton rolled through and Kurt went head first into the exposed turnbuckle. Orton hit the RKO and picked up the surprising 3 count after about 13 minutes.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
Backstage Vince is on the phone to someone, probably a "Hot Pants" line, bagging DX when a young boy in a wheelchair came in. Vince thinking it was a DX prank didn't give the boy a chance to explain himself and wheeled him out the door to a crashing result. Just then The Coach came in and told Vince that a family friend of his wanted to meet Vince. Coach described him as someone who idolized Vince and also as a young boy in a wheelchair. McMahon agreed to meet him "when he showed up". Bad karma, dude, I wouldn't even do that. On second thoughts, yeah maybe I would.
UMAGA Vs EUGENE
Umaga hit the ring with Armando Alejandro Estrada and let me tell you, this Estrada guy is money in the bank. Eugene on the other hand hit the ring with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Doink The Clown and the Ugandan Giant; Kamala. I remember when Kamala was feared and now, because of The Doctor of Style; Slick, he's a wuss. That is a reference for those who watched WWE back in 1992/3. Anyway this one was over quicker than it takes Paris Hilton to get though a football team. And that's quick! Umaga squashed Eugene with little effort after hitting the Samoan Spike.
After the match Kamala had a stand off with Umaga but Estrada stopped that from happening. Backstage Mick Foley ripped on Ric Flair by reading Ric's autobiography by stating that it wasn't an autobiography because it wasn't factual.
2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH: MICK FOLEY Vs RIC FLAIR
|Bin there, done that (sorry) |
This was one I wanted to see if only for the fact that these two have major differences. Flair isn't what he was and Foley looks like he just started the Kirstie Alley diet. But I'm hoping they can pull a better one out later on down the track but for now it wasn't too bad for a starter. Flair came out to a huge pop, being that the show was in Charlotte NC and Foley was booed heavily. I can't remember the last time that happened. Regardless, Flair picked up the first fall after just 4 minutes with an inside cradle when Foley tried a Figure 4 Leg-lock. Hey Foley here's some free advice, my dad once told me never play another mans game or you'll get beat! 4 minutes later Flair won again after he had the Figure 4 Leg-lock on Foley and Mick hit him with a trash can that he brought in earlier. And after Foley promised he would wrestle Flair in this one. That's the last time I trust a man with one ear and missing teeth again.
WINNER: RIC FLAIR
After the match Foley grabbed a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire and bloodied Flair with it BIG TIME. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think I've ever seen a BB Bat in barbed wire in a Marquee de Queensberry rules match before. Oh well as Dylan said "The times they are a changing" and Flair changed from a nice tanned color to red from Foley's attack. He is now public enemy no.1 in North Carolina. Backstage Maria is interviewing Carlito until Torrie Wilson entered and wanted Maria to put oil on her for her photo shoot. I wonder how many guys watching wrote that in their diaries later on as a "dream come true"? Get your hands off it boys.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: CARLITO Vs JOHNNY NITRO W/MELINA Vs SHELTON BENJAMIN
I don't know if this was the best match of the night, or the WWE title match should get that honour but, either way, this was awesome. Shelton was his natural great self, Carlito elevated his status as a genuine top guy and Nitro had to improve being in there with those two. I know I'm better for just watching it. It was only a 12 minute match but in that short period of time there were a lot of hi-lites. Take a look at it if you can. Ok, the match was fast and everything seemed to work and as Hanibal says, "I love it when a plan comes together." And remember it was a Triple Threat Match and those who have read some of my stuff know I'm not a big fan of TTM, but this is how you do it. Anyway the end saw Carlito send Nitro to the outside and reversed a reversal to hit the Back Cracker. Nitro pulled Carlito to the outside and covered Benjamin for the 3 count.
WINNER: AND NEW WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION - JOHNNY NITRO
After the match Carlito can't believe what happened and neither can I. Shocking is the only word I can think of. Oh and boobs, cos it's a great word! Backstage The Spirit Squad are being talked down to and talked up to by Vince McMahon. After they leave Vince decides to kill some time and relieve some pressure with a penis pump that The Coach had found by the door earlier. He takes it into the bathroom, it explodes and Vince comes out covered in green stuff and curses DX. Here is a lesson for the kids out there, never put your wang in something left outside your door. There is a reason why it's outside the door. Gretel Killeen could've touched it!
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: EDGE W/LITA Vs ROB VAN DAM
Ok in retrospect, this was probably the best match of the night (not by much) but only because it was one on one. Not only was it WWE Vs ECW, but it was an awesome match with more action than any of Cena's defenses in a long time (my opinion only).
I must say that I hate Jerry Lawler even more after this PPV, for the reason that all he did was blindly bash ECW for no good reason. I think it's more sour grapes on his part because his USWA didn't take off like ECW did. Well what did you expect when you have that southern mentality and push your self as the top guy even when you're 50 years old?
But back to the match and it had everything you could want to see, but it went for 20 odd minutes so dissecting it would be a tad boring so I'll encourage you to watch it and fast forward to the end. Picture this, RVD is laid out by Edge after laying out the ref himself. Edge called Lita to get the belt but RVD hit Edge with the "Van Daminator". Lita stopped him from going up top and the Rated R Superstar hit a nasty DDT for a 2 count. Lita placed a chair in the corner as Edge went for the Spear, however RVD moved and Edge hit the chair and knocked himself out. "The Whole F'n Show" hit the 5 star Frog Splash and got the duke.
|RVD is used to being high |
WINNER: AND STILL WWE CHAMPION - ROB VAN DAM
Backstage the ECW guys celebrate RVD's win and are gearing up for the Extreme Lumberjack Match later on. Just quickly, it's good to see Al Snow again and also Roadkill "The Angry Amish Chicken Plucker". Great name!
KANE Vs FAKE KANE
Ok what is with this family? Both Kane and Undertaker have had doubles attack them and have had to face them on PPV. The question is will we ever see Kane & The Undertaker Vs Fake Kane and The Under-Faker? Who cares, and that's what most were saying during this match. I don't know what it was but it was missing something. Maybe it was because it followed the WWE title match because they didn't suck, the match just did. The good thing was it only went for about 7 minutes and ended when Kane went for a flying clothesline from the top but was blocked by the Fake Kane and dumped in a chokeslam for the 3 count.
WINNER: FAKE KANE
EXTREME LUMBERJACK MATCH: SABU Vs JOHN CENA
Tell me if you think this is smart. Vince McMahon brings back ECW for money of course and his star attraction is Sabu. He puts Sabu in a match in favor of Sabu against arguably the most disliked man in the WWE: John Cena. Cena wins but not only wins, he makes Sabu tap out. Now my problem is, how can Vince expect to make people believe Sabu is unstoppable, or close to it, when he is forced to tap after only 3-4 weeks with the company to a guy who isn't believable as a tough guy and isn't even the champion anymore? Is it just me, or is that stupid business. Because that is exactly what happened in this match! Vince changed it before the match, so that both ECW and RAW lumberjacks were surrounding the ring. Regardless, it wasn't a bad match with Sabu doing a lot of his trademark moves and the lumberjacks getting involved through out, as you would expect. Just quickly, if I hear Lawler or Ross make that stupid joke about ECW fans being on parole again, I'm gonna turn off completely. It's like watching Rove Live; I'm either hearing a rip-off joke, or the same damn one I hear every friggin week. Sorry... where were we? Oh yes, the ECW guys had Cena set up on a table outside but Cena fought back and ended up FUing Sabu over the top and through the table. Only problem was he missed it and poor Sabu hit his legs on the table real hard. Cena slapped on the STFU and won. Damn it!!!
WINNER: JOHN CENA
5 ON 2 HANDICAP MATCH: D-GENERATION X Vs THE SPIRIT SQUAD
Are You Ready? Yes the crowd was heavily into this one as Shawn Michaels and Triple H reunited as DX to face the most overrated and over pushed group I can think of: The Spirit Squad. These guys suck! How they are main eventing a PPV has got me stuffed. The match itself was not bad but nothing like the WWE title match as both HBK and Triple H taught TSS a lesson. The Squad got in there shots as well and looked to have the match won but at the 16 minute mark, HBK made the hot tag to Triple H and that was it. He disposed of all 5 guys and with some help from HBK, they cornered Kenny in the ring and Hunter hit him with the Pedigree as HBK dropped Johnny with some Chin Music for the double pin.
WINNERS: D-GENERATION X
After the match DX cleaned house and initiated Mitch into the DX "Kiss My Ass Club" as he puckered up and planted one on Hunter's derriere.
|Nah, nothing gay about that |
Wrestling is real, everything else is fake!
*The images used in this article were taken from wwe.com*
by: The Gimmick
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A pretty good show, even with some obvious flaws