Who is Nick Hardcastle and who told him he was talented?
Fri, 14 July 2006
by: Special K
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"It's just a four-letter word baby how does it hurt?" asks Nick Hardcastle: that four-letter word is "shit" and I can tell you that it hurts like a bastard listening to this generic pop drivel. I guess I was left asking who is Nick Hardcastle? A friend of Dirk Digglers perhaps? Judging by the photos on the album cover he's worked extensively as a Big W catalog model and like Derek Zoolander he has perfected his own brand of "Blue Steel" look. As it turns out he's on an ABC Childrens show titled "Creature Features". Now I get the picture. Struggling actor, ends up on kids show, wants to make it big. Decides that if Hi-Five can do it why can't he and hooks up to record an album. Australian Idol you have a lot to answer for!
OK lets get ready for a blow by blow run down on this big steaming turd of an album!
The album opens with the single 4 letter word. We've already discussed this track in the opening paragraph. Nothing more needs to be said. Nextů
State of Mind - (Oooooh Aaaaah, Oooooh Aaaaah). Deep isn't it? Listening to this makes me wish my state of mind was in a coma.
Why? (Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah) Rather appropriate because that's what I keep asking myself when I think about voluntarily telling Sammy that I would review this CD.
Infatuated (Ooooh, Ooooh, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah) This song sounds like Nick having to cope with his groupies. I'll quote a couple of lines from the song and include a translation afterwards "Coz you're infatuated, uneducated" (You're as dumb as dog shit, leave me alone) "You're infatuated, I'm celebrated" (My ego is way too big how could I like someone like you?) I'm assuming this song is showing Nick's sensitive side after another fulfilling one-night stand with his beer goggles on.
|I do believe he's serious folks! |
This song is titled Deep. Deep like how far I want to bury a sledgehammer in Nick's skull. When there are lines like "Used to fall in love every Saturday night. On Monday I know, I'd let them go. I'm orbiting you like a satellite. Cos you're one I could keep for the rest of the week". Great wholesome stuff for the kiddies! And this little gem "Well I'm at your door, ready to explore. Where do I start to lubricate your heart?" Real slick Nick! Real slick!
Every Day - Can't really comment on this one because I was trying to ignore it while I was writing this review.
On my Way to You - Nick gets top billing on the writing credits on this one. Opening line - "All I can explain is that all my words don't mean a thing". Nuff said.
Happy Together - Yes Nick covers a song where he talks about loving one person for the rest of his life. Stark contrast to the just wanted to root you songs earlier on the album.
I Can Feel It - and if I'm not mistaken it's an aneurism or my brain rotting.
Hangin Around - From the closing lines I assume this is lamenting over when he doesn't pick up on a Saturday night. "I get so mad when nothing comes my way I guess I'll have to make something from nothing".
|Nick looking like a real tosser! |
Another Day - I'm bored and frustrated. Pulling out my own teeth with no anaesthetic and a pair of pliers would be less painful than listening to this track.
Good Time - This reminds me of Kevin Bloody Wilson. "Would you be so kind as to show me where to go? I'm lookin for a good time. I got one thing on my mind yeah I really need to know I'm lookin for a good time." Kev's song is a bit more eloquent though "Do you f*&k on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Can I feel your tits? Or will you show 'em to me?"
Come with me - this is officially the last track on the album because the final track "Great Adventure" is classed as a Bonus Track. It's laughable to think that anything on this album could be considered a bonus.
In summary I think the fact that iTunes couldn't find the track listing for this album is testament to Nick's status as a performer. He really has an ordinary voice and I can't see this effort propelling him into the spotlight. Don't give up your day job Nick, I've heard walruses mating that sound better than this tripe!
by: Special K
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More articles by Special K
Coming to a landfill near you. Note this score reflects the average age of his target audience not the quality of the record (that would be closer to zero)