Ninja sings Australia, while taking the high road
Publisher: Shock Records
Fri, 25 August 2006
by: Australian Ninja
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Good old Mitch Baywatch. A few months back The Gimmick reviewed one of his albums. He proved so popular at Buttonhole, we just couldn't resist having him back again for another round.
Perhaps you think I am exaggerating with my claims, but I can assure you that after thousands of emails requesting further coverage of The Hoff's musical genius, I felt that it was up to me to review this album and take a bullet for the team.
David Hastlehoff - The Hoff, Mitch Baywatch, Mr Knight Rider, the man with more hair on his chest than most people have on their heads. The manly mans' man of manliness. He's big in Germany they say. But who are 'they' and do we really trust what 'they' have to say?
 | | You my hate him, or laugh at him, for this... |
Some people are so tragically ludicrous, that every time I think of them I laugh a little. Chuck Norris, Mr T, The Hoff. Maybe they think we are laughing with them but, for the record, mostly we are laughing at them.
For everyone expecting me to tear down the Hoff, this is the part where I admit that the dude actually can sing, and he can sing well. In fact, I found the album enjoyable and couldn't help but sing along to some of the songs. Two in particular had me singing in my best off key voice; Neil Diamond's "Forever in Blue Jeans" and the Beach Boys' "California Girls."
Going back to the album title, The Hoff Sings America - we are left wondering what [if anything] that means. How exactly does one sing America? I guess the title is referring to the fact the album features Hasselhoff doing covers of popular American songs. Rhinestone Cowboy, New York New York, Amazing Grace and others.
At this point you may be cringing in your seat, wondering if I have brain damage for volunteering to review this CD. To that I say, "Balat sim neefarkle." Or roughly translated: "Dad, why do I have to wear a dead man's nose?"
Truthfully, the songs on this album will appeal more to an older audience than Buttonhole usually attracts. I mean this album fits in well with a bit of Frank Sinatra, some Dean Martin, the kind of music that plays well in the background when friends are over for dinner. But really music is for anyone that enjoys it. It's just that a lot of people wouldn't give The Hoff CD a go, on name alone.
I remember Sammy saying something about the Hoffmeister being able to sing alright, its just that other people have sung these songs better than him, so why would you bother? I tend to agree with that, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the album. Sammy's note: I did indeed say that. However, any suggestions that Hoff belongs in the likes of Frank Sinatra's league as a vocal performer...I'm afraid I'd have to leave you on your own with that one, Mr. Ninja!
Inside the little book that comes with the CD is a personal message from the Hoff himself that ends with:
"Believe in yourself,
keep a positive attitude
and NEVER give up!
Dreams do come true!"
As cheesy as that message is, he seems sincere in saying it and I can't help but respect his point of view.
Given the opportunity, I'll bitch on about anything until you tell me to zip it [like the Gippsland public transport system, what a bloody joke].
But I won't outright attack something or someone for no good reason.
Plenty of other people already take the piss out the Hoff, including himself. A couple of examples of this come from movies he's had cameos in: In Dodgdeball he can be seen as the angry coach for the German team. In the Spongebob Squarepants movie, Spongebob rides on the Hoff's back as he soars through the ocean like a speedboat. As this goes on, a major fight scene erupts - on the Hoff's hairy back. Its pants wettingly hilarious and proof to me that the guy doesn't take himself too seriously, so why shouldn't think he expect us to either.
 | | But we can also thank him for this! |
Frankly, any guy that can assemble a team of super hot women to run up and down beaches in slow motion while wearing revealing swimsuits - and keep that schtick going for a number of years - gets a salute from me.
Baywatch had no real plot or acting, so it was carried by, yes, the boobies. Admit it, that's the only reason anyone watched it! All that running up and down in slow motion, if at some point they had a British guest star he could have said: "Ere, you'll have someone's eye out with those luv."
Whether you love the Hoff, hate the Hoff, want to go fishing with the Hoff, or you're still thinking about the Baywatch boobies from the previous paragraph - why not stop by the Forums and give your two cents.
What else can I say? The music is alright. I'm still waiting for something truly terrible, that I can really bag, to come along for review, so I can. Quality singing of popular songs that other people have already sung better; that's David Hasselhoff Sings America, in a nutshell.
by: Australian Ninja
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